Autistic woman plans, fatigue laughs
An autistic woman with a busy week ahead of her has forgotten that her fatigue will always win in the end, sources have said. Megan Aldrich, 37, is “absolutely certain” she isn’t asking too much of herself this week – the thought of bouncing between...
Report! Life admin more time-consuming than living actual life
An autistic woman’s life admin is basically just her whole life now, a report has revealed. The conclusions of the study into the relentless drudgery of 42-year-old Emma Bernard’s life were announced yesterday – and painted a depressing but immaculately organised picture. Researcher Dr. Graeme...
“Noise-sensitive” autistic woman comforted by loud shouty songs about death and destroying the government
A “noise-sensitive” autistic woman is reportedly soothed and comforted by angry music about hating your parents, the government, and being born. Navya Randhawa, 29, says that two conversations going on in the background at once is intolerable, but blasting American Idiot directly at her eardrums...
Autistic woman somehow flunks getting her nails done
An autistic woman has managed to screw up sitting still while someone else does her nails, eyewitnesses have claimed. Simran Khalsa, 32, decided she was worth more than the DIY hack-job she does on her nails and booked into a nail salon for a manicure....
Autistic LARPer blissfully unaware he’s at fetish market
An autistic man whose love for live-action roleplay is eclipsed only by his complete lack of situational awareness has spent the last several hours totally unaware of the fact that he’s been wandering around an open-air BDSM market, according to eyewitnesses. Graeme Hart, 36, has...
Autistic woman experiences rare glimpse of feeling like human being
An autistic woman has, for the first time in her life, experienced a fleeting taste of what it would be like to be an actual human person, it has been reported. Beth Hapworth, 20, became aware that she might be as real as everyone else...
Autistic woman who yearns for the sword scared of her kitchen knives
An autistic woman who longs to be a sword-wielding fantasy heroine is afraid to use the normal knives in her kitchen, it has been rumoured. Olivia Buckingham, 40, reportedly daydreams about being a noble paladin with an enchanted longsword, but said dreams are regularly tested...
Autistic woman tells right joke to the wrong audience
An autistic woman who told an off-colour joke at a family dinner has belatedly realised her relatives were entirely the wrong crowd, it has been reported. Mandeep Kaur, 29, reportedly made a quip about her own singledom, saying: “At this point, I don’t care whether...
Hot desking really fucking up autistic woman’s ability to memorise her colleagues
An autistic woman who only has the scantest idea of what anyone looks like has been totally screwed over by her workplace’s introduction of hot desking, reports have indicated. Pippa Durham, 30, whose object permanence is so bad she once lost a game of peek-a-boo...
Asian AuDHDer doomed to forget masala chai on stove
An AuDHD woman has still not learned her lesson about getting distracted and letting her masala chai explode all over the cooker, according to her ancestors. Sabeen Bhatt, 38, has been making her own chai ever since her grandmother got weirdly gatekeepy about the recipe...
