Accommodating! Neurodivergent event offers neurotypical safe space
Organisers of a neurodiversity convention have been praised for offering a space for neurotypicals to retreat to when it all gets a bit too much, sources have reported. The annual event hosts a range of workshops, activities, and performances designed for neurodivergent audiences. This year,...
The dream! Autistic person opens second-hand bookshop where no one is allowed to buy books or come in
One autistic individual is reported to be living the dream, having opened a bookshop and then displayed a large sign in the window reading NO CUSTOMERS. Alix Gardner, 42, has embraced their inner Bernard Black by creating a uniquely hostile retail experience, whereby any potential...
Autistic millennial can recite every ’90s TV advert but has no idea what their nephew’s name is
An autistic person who once recorded a three-hour VHS tape of television adverts has realised those adverts are taking up valuable brain space which might be put to better use, like memorising the names of their immediate family, sources have claimed. Jay Chester, 38, expressed...
Still here? In any other century, this autistic person would have perished a long time ago
An autistic history student has been contemplating an era before gluten-free bread and 24-hour pharmacies, and has confirmed they would have been absolutely fucked. Luca Mignon, 21, has consumed so many antibiotics in their lifetime that they are rumoured to be single-handedly responsible for MRSA....
Person visiting autistic friend’s home town unaware they’ve inadvertently signed up for historical walking tour
One individual has made the regrettable mistake of travelling to an autistic woman’s home city to socialise with her, having no idea of the itinerary of educational activities she has planned for the visit, sources have revealed. When Kit McGodden, 32, announced their intention to...
New Uta Frith test to determine if you’re doing autism correctly
The existing diagnostic process of detailed interviews, forms, and observations is to be replaced by a few quick questions which will determine whether you are the genuine article or just a big fake autistic, one rent-a-gob psychologist has announced. The new screening tool, entitled Rain...
Autistic “social hangover” like regular hangover but requires even more painkillers and fried food
The common autistic experience of a “people hangover” is similar to an ordinary hangover, but without any alcohol or fun beforehand, a study has confirmed. Autistic researcher Dr. Alix Gardner conducted a series of experiments on themselves by attending social gatherings and rating on a...
Autistic person dismayed to discover stickers on fruit not a reward for healthy eating
An autistic adult is reported to have learned that stickers on fruit are there to aid identification and pricing, and are not, in fact, a little present from the distributor in recognition of just how arduous eating fruit can be. Jay Chester, 26, has so...
Autistic woman spends all her time, money, and sledgehammers seeking source of high-pitched buzzing
An autistic woman has demolished her home and squandered her livelihood in pursuit of the source of a mysterious high-pitched buzzing noise, it has been revealed. Niamh Callaghan, 43, first noticed the buzzing on Wednesday afternoon at 5.08pm. She immediately set to work unplugging all...
New genealogy website allows users to see which ancestors definitely had ye olde autisme
A new website has launched allowing people who like to collect dead relatives to trace the autism running through their family tree, according to a recent press release. After logging on to YeOldeAutisme.com, users are presented with a digital portfolio of letters, newspaper clippings, census...