Spooky! Autistic woman dissociates so hard in dentist’s chair that she literally floats away
An autistic woman scared her dentist almost as much as he scares her, after she levitated toward the ceiling during a routine check-up, it has been reported. According to witnesses, the corporeal form of Paige Thomas, 27, did appear to be present in the dentist’s...
Autistic woman’s various mental breakdowns neatly tracked via abandoned craft projects
An autistic woman’s many mental health crises can be charted via boxes of abandoned craft projects, it has been observed. The boxes, which have taken up permanent residence in 41-year-old Krista Shure’s spare room in lieu of friends, reportedly reveal a complex archeology of breakups,...
Autistic woman disappointed to discover “adult colouring book” not sexually explicit
The adult entertainment industry is facing tough questions after concerns were raised about the underwhelming and entirely unsexy content of their colouring books, it has been revealed. Autistic customer Alma Montague, 41, expressed dismay with her recent purchase, which she was led to believe would...
A freak in the sheets! Autistic woman unveils sexy new Excel masterpiece
An autistic woman has created a spreadsheet she kind of low-key wants to fuck, eyewitnesses have reported. Freya Emerson, 39, who is rumoured to have a kink for conditional formatting, was keen to state that while the content of the spreadsheet was not, in itself,...
Multiply neurodivergent woman finally collects enough diagnoses for free dark night of the soul
A multiply neurodivergent woman has finally collected enough stamps on her diagnosis loyalty card for a free existential crisis, according to reports. Ima Onwugbenu, 29, has been diligently collecting diagnoses ever since she was diagnosed with autism. She has since amassed a variety of acronyms...
Dying autistic man bequeaths precious collection of unread messages to his family
An autistic man nearing the end of his time on Earth has gathered his family around him to pass on his precious collection of unread messages, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 89, has lived a long, autistic life, and has made his peace with the...
ADHD meds dispensed by riddle-posing wizard at end of elaborate fiery maze suspended over radioactive shark tank
You can have your ADHD medication, but only after completing a series of increasingly complex and life-threatening challenges, your pharmacist has announced. According to private online pharmacy NoMeds4U, their new system is designed to prevent abuse, while giving you the rare opportunity to obtain your...
No laughing matter! This neurotypical woman would like you to be sadder about your autism please
A neurotypical woman furious that you just joked about your own disability has issued a statement demanding an apology for “making fun of autism”. Karen Hoyland, 52, who overheard you making a crass, insensitive joke about your autism, also clarified that she is speaking on...
“Reduce your stress levels” revealed to be medical profession’s sick idea of a joke
A whistleblower has reportedly revealed that “reduce your stress levels” is nothing more than a cruel in-joke among doctors. According to the anonymous source, medical professionals enjoy flippantly suggesting to patients that they should just consider being less stressed because they know that literally everyone...
Oh no! Autistic woman loses all respect for colleague after learning he uses ChatGPT
An autistic woman has had to mentally downgrade her colleague from “decent enough bloke” to “empty-headed slopliker” after learning that he uses ChatGPT at work like that’s a normal and fine thing to do, sources have revealed. Natasha Weaving, 37, made the chilling discovery on Monday when...
