Autistic woman’s various mental breakdowns neatly tracked via abandoned craft projects
An autistic woman’s many mental health crises can be charted via boxes of abandoned craft projects, it has been observed. The boxes, which have taken up permanent residence in 41-year-old Krista Shure’s spare room in lieu of friends, reportedly reveal a complex archeology of breakups,...
AuDHD woman at gig who can’t remember lyrics really is artist’s biggest fan
An AuDHD woman at a gig reportedly singing along to about a third of the songs, if she’s lucky, genuinely does listen to the artist’s music all the time, it has been insisted. Emma Bernard, 24, who can reportedly “sort of dip in and out...
No laughing matter! This neurotypical woman would like you to be sadder about your autism please
A neurotypical woman furious that you just joked about your own disability has issued a statement demanding an apology for “making fun of autism”. Karen Hoyland, 52, who overheard you making a crass, insensitive joke about your autism, also clarified that she is speaking on...
Revealed! How to turn any post on the Internet into an excuse to trauma dump
It can be tricky when you’ve got some heavy shit to vent but the website or social media page you’re on would be a weird place to air it. If you’re itching to unburden yourself in bizarre and incongruous online spaces but don’t know how...
AuDHD woman spends entire show thinking about everything else she could be watching
An AuDHD woman’s enjoyment of the thing she’s currently watching has been greatly increased by persistent FOMO for all the things she’s currently not watching, sources have claimed. Abeer Zaki, 34, reportedly spent an “agonising” 45 minutes attempting to find the perfect viewing material to...
Self-esteem a “slippery slope”, decides autistic woman’s subconscious
Having even the tiniest taste of positive self-regard is a gateway drug to monstrous narcissism, an autistic woman’s subconscious has claimed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 28, is doing all the requisite therapeutic work to build her confidence, but is constantly undermined by a horrid cackling morality-OCD gremlin...
Pick your battles! Autistic person struggling to narrow it down, to be honest
An autistic person who vowed to pick their battles is reportedly frozen with indecision over which of their many important battles to let go of. Des Ackerman, 30, has spent their entire life fighting all the good fights, only to be now be told to...
Streeting orders NHS to bolster workforce with the restless souls of the dead
Headline by Sarah Amero Health secretary Wes Streeting has announced plans to bully the NHS into giving him data on the nation’s deceased in order to get them out of their eternal resting places and back into the workforce. The measures, which are reportedly as...
Autistic woman who got dressed in dark would be wearing that outfit regardless
An autistic woman asked by a colleague if she got dressed in the dark absolutely did – but that’s not why she’s wearing that, eyewitnesses have reported. Beth Hapworth, 44, reportedly arrived at her job as an events coordinator for a small conference centre dressed...
Autistic man dumped after failing to purchase piece of red cardboard
An autistic man has been dumped by his girlfriend after he neglected to buy her a red rectangle of cardboard on February 14th, it has been announced. Dexter Livingstone, 26, who also failed to obtain a bunch of dead plants wrapped in cellophane, or a...
