“It’s reverse ableism” insists reverse not a bellend
Your reasonable-adjustment request is “reverse ableism”, according to a reverse not a cunt. Colleague Graeme Hart, 46, who has reverse excellent opinions about everything from politics to which number the office thermostat should be set to, somehow believes he is a victim of reverse discrimination,...
Crime! Autism Aunt unsure which emergency service to call after autistics make their own sitcom
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our upcoming audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An allistic woman with a tragically autistic nephew has reportedly been left “angry, scared and without assistance from...
“Confusing” sitcom premiere dress code sees autistic audience wearing literal red carpets
An audience comprised predominantly of autistic people have been left “unsure of what the fuck to wear” to the virtual world premiere of a new audio sitcom, it has been announced. The invitation to the live launch of The Daily Tism’s new show by and...
FFS! Unmasking autistic person discovers they were cool all along
An autistic person who spent the last three decades masking in order to appear cool has reportedly unmasked only to discover that their coolest form was the very thing they were masking in the first place. Luca Mignon, 33, who has spent their entire life...
Eeeeeeew! Unexpected house guest finds out how autistic man really lives
A guest who decided to “just drop by” unannounced has reportedly discovered that an autistic man lives in a house made of garbage inside a larger house made of house. Dexter Livingstone, 29, who was expecting an Amazon parcel, made the error of opening his...
“No worries if FUCK YOU!” Autistic woman either fawning or hangry with no middle ground
An autistic woman is either the most unnecessarily polite person you’ve ever met in your entire life or murderously hangry with no in between, sources have revealed. Marketing executive Lottie Fitzgerald, 25, who should have had a snack an hour ago but didn’t want to...
Autistic woman beginning to think of favourite clothing brand as friend
An autistic woman has somehow managed to form a parasocial relationship with her favourite clothes shop, it has been noted. Ellie Mulligan, 39, who spends every penny of her meagre disposable income at online boutique Little Lies, has reportedly anthropomorphised the shop to the point...
Hilarious! Autistic woman unable to have moment of emotional connection without undercutting with punchline
An autistic woman is physically incapable of having even a fleeting moment of sincere emotional intimacy without immediately saying something ridiculous to ruin it all, it has been observed. According to disgruntled sources, Ellie Mulligan, 42, followed up her first “I love you” to wife...
Autistic woman issues statement denying claims she’s a decent person
An autistic woman has issued a public statement putting an end to rumours that she’s a pretty okay guy in the grand scheme of things. Olivia Buckingham, 24, denied in the strongest possible terms that she was a “good egg”, a claim made by friend...
“He’s just being polite!” Woman’s autistic superpower is cockblocking herself
A woman has revealed that her autistic superpower is not noticing when a dude is down to bang until it’s 12 years too late and he’s married with three kids and a dachshund. Natasha Weaving, 27, has perfected the art of being entirely oblivious to...
