Dinner host wishing they’d never asked for your dietary requirements
A friend who invited you over for dinner now wishes they’d never asked for your dietary requirements, met you, or been born, it has been rumoured. Olivia Buckingham, 32, who just thought it would be nice to have you over for a catch-up, reportedly didn’t...
Consistent! Person who says you’re not autistic gives you most shit for acting autistic
The person in your life who’s convinced you’re not really autistic at all is also the hardest on you about every single autistic trait you exhibit, it has been confirmed. Karen Hoyland, 58, who insists you were just fine until you got this autism nonsense...
“Self-employed” autistic woman actually works for cat
An autistic woman who thought becoming self-employed would mean being her own boss has discovered that she actually now works for a small feline tyrant, it has been confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 32, who made the move from from being a full-time corporate copywriter to freelancing...
AuDHD woman’s superpower is turning keys invisible
An AuDHD woman has revealed that her neurodivergent superpower is making her keys magically disappear whenever she tries to leave the house. Pippa Durham, 36, is reportedly also able to turn her unique talent to her wallet, phone and the memory of which app she’d...
Neurotypical ally clarifies: “RFK Jr. doesn’t mean YOU”
A non-autistic ally reportedly thinks it’s vital that you understand that when RFK Jr. gets eugenicsy about autism, he means those other ones – not you. Karen Hoyland, 60, wants to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to the...
Normally rule-following autistic says fuck transphobic laws
A cisgender autistic woman who is generally so law abiding she once performed a citizen’s arrest on herself for jaywalking will not acknowledge any evil transphobic legislation, it has been confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 37, who counts several trans and non-binary people among her dearest friends,...
Innovative! Neurotypical relative discovers new way to patronise you
Your neurotypical relative has revealed themselves to be a creative genius after inventing an entirely new way to make you feel like an overgrown toddler, it has been rumoured. Karen Hoyland, 57, reportedly upped her game after burning through “you must be very mild”, “we’re...
Wow! Autistic-coded TV character SO autistic nobody needs to actually say it
A character in a new comedy series is so blatantly autistic it doesn’t need to be so much as mentioned at any point, the show’s neurotypical creator has said. The show, What’s the Deal with Grizelda Grumpf, follows kooky main character Grizelda, whose mysteriously peculiar...
“Burned out” autistic woman just on hiatus
An autistic woman who has paused all her life activities in order to lie in bed, catatonic, has announced that this is simply a break in production. Star of The Paige Thomas Show, Paige Thomas, 29, whose series unexpectedly went off-air mid-season, has promised that...
Autistic boomer man unaware he’s new female friend’s reply guy
An autistic man in his 60s who recently began communicating a well-known woman in her early 20s online is reportedly referring to her as his “good friend, Paige.” Robert Noot, 63, who followed 23-year-old influencer Paige Thomas on Bluesky one month ago, now thinks of...
