An autistic woman’s life admin is basically just her whole life now, a report has revealed. 

The conclusions of the study into the relentless drudgery of 42-year-old Emma Bernard’s life were announced yesterday – and painted a depressing but immaculately organised picture. 

Researcher Dr. Graeme Hart explained: “As this graph indicates, the bulk of the subject’s major activities are geared toward keeping her alive.”

“The rest of her time is spent on keeping her two children alive, keeping everyone housed and fed and making sure everybody’s teeth don’t fall out.”

Bernard commented: “Yes it’s depressing and I’d love more time for my special interests. But also – spreadsheets. So swings and roundabouts.”

“I’ve made it work for me,” Bernard continued. “It gives me an excuse to use my label maker.” 

Bernard’s wife Natasha Weaving, 46, said: “Let me take over, love – you go rest,” before adding “chill the fuck out” to Bernard’s list of essential tasks.

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