Autistic man bitten by vampire no longer able to practise facial expressions in mirror
An autistic man who has been bitten by a vampire is struggling to come to terms with the nightmarish reality of his new un-life: a complete inability to practise his facial expressions in the mirror. Gavin Monks, 36, was on holiday in central Romania when...
AuDHD ghost can’t remember unfinished business
The restless spirit of a deceased AuDHD man cannot pass on to the great beyond because he can’t for the death of him remember what his unfinished business was supposed to be, according to sources. Robert Noot, dead, reportedly haunts a dilapidated mansion in the...
Autistic monster under bed fine staying here, thanks
The autistic monster that lives under your bed is more than happy staying exactly where it is, according to reports. Gornak the Toecruncher, 15,000, made the statement yesterday, after coming to the realisation that it felt far happier staying under your bed than it has...
AuDHD poltergeist accidentally tidies room
An AuDHD poltergeist who intended to scare a couple into moving out has instead accidentally tidied their living room to a “Mum’s coming to visit” degree, paranormal researchers have confirmed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 26, and Alix Gardner, 28, began noticing an increase in unexplained phenomena shortly...
AuDHD man advised to try Pomodoro Technique falls down seven-hour rabbit hole on history of tomato
An AuDHD man told to try the Pomodoro Technique as a way to overcome distractions and procrastination has reportedly fallen down a multi-hour rabbit hole on the history of the tomato. Anand Trivedi, 33, was originally supposed to be working on some data analysis for...
Confirmed! Floor better than bed
In the world of “places it is good to lie down”, Floor is indeed better than Bed, new research has confirmed. Dr Mary Walker, 45, Clinical Trial Lead at The Institute for Floor Time Studies, broke the news at a press conference this morning, speaking...
Researchers find autism somehow doubles when on holiday
Autism “doubles” when on holiday, a landmark new study by The Institute for Why Are We Like This has revealed. Dr. Graeme Hart announced the breakthrough, confirmed in a press conference, that conclusive proof has been discovered not just of autism symptoms doubling, but of...
Unprecedented! AuDHD man finds all his games and DVDs in their correct cases
In what officials are describing as a million-to-one event, an AuDHD man has opened a videogame case and found the game he was actually looking for, instead of that heralding the beginning of an hour-long side quest. Mac Wheatley, 31, has become accustomed to none...
AuDHD woman tearfully leads unsavoury special interest out behind barn with shotgun
An AuDHD woman has realised that she has enjoyed her latest horrible special interest for as long as polite company can really tolerate, and has been spotted tearfully leading it behind a barn while armed with a shotgun. Ffiona Maw, 28, who over the past...
Autistic man furious at own lack of immediate perfection
An autistic man who attempted to try something new has become instantly furious at his apparent lack of professional-level skills in the new activity, it has been reported. Lloyd Didcot, 36, decided on a whim to learn coin magic from a book, using the justification...