AuDHD woman obsessively buying wool only vaguely acquainted with knitting
An AuDHD woman with an increasingly large collection of yarn, needles, and stitch markers is only vaguely aware of the concept of “knitting”, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 33, has been gathering a variety of expensive and rare wools and other knitting-related paraphernalia for...
Autistic woman’s love of special interest inversely proportional with coolness of subject matter
An autistic woman is lamenting the fact that she only really gets obsessed with special interests which make her seem desperately uncool or deeply weird, it has been revealed. Mary Walker, 29, made the realisation midway through a conversation at work, where she had been...
Autistic stuntman eats two foods at once
An autistic stuntman has dazzled onlookers with his latest daredevil act: eating two foods at the same time. Robert Noot, 24, a professional stuntman who performs under the name Ootvel Knootvel, displayed this feat to a packed crowd of 1,200 autistic guests and confused neurotypical...
Autistic woman interprets two words eight thousand ways
An autistic woman has undertaken a personal five-day odyssey after being presented with two clear and direct words, sources have revealed. Simran Khalsa, 26, who takes things very literally but has learned the hard way that neurotypicals speak in tricksy riddles, has trained herself to...
Workplace autism awareness day triggers workplace autism self-awareness day
A well-meaning corporate autism awareness day has had the unintended effect of triggering an extended bout of self-awareness in an autistic staff member, according to sources. Graeme Hart, 36, thought he was turning up for a normal workday, only to be bundled into a meeting...
Autistic detective gets completely distracted by evidence of special interest at crime scene
An autistic detective has managed to completely lose track of the crime she’s supposed to be solving after noticing that she and the victim apparently shared a special interest, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 44, who is usually described as “a completely fixed cannon...
Autistic woman faces intense, silent stare down with reflection during haircut
An autistic woman is preparing herself for upwards of an hour and a half of awkward, unbroken eye contact with her own reflection in order to avoid the even more awkward hour and a half of small talk with her hairdresser, sources have revealed. Due...
Billionaire’s autism not the reason he’s a piece of shit
An autistic billionaire’s neurotype is not the reason he’s an absolute piece of shit, it has been revealed. Robert Noot, 54, frequently uses his autism as a get-out-of-jail-free card to excuse all of the terrible things he says and does, in spite of the actual...
Superpower! Autistic man turns compliment into immaculately crafted criticism
An autistic man has the uncanny ability to turn any compliment into blisteringly cruel criticism, sources have revealed. Ethan Stern, 33, gained his powers of transmutation at an early age, when a friend told him that she liked his hat, which he immediately interpreted as...
Autistic LARPer blissfully unaware he’s at fetish market
An autistic man whose love for live-action roleplay is eclipsed only by his complete lack of situational awareness has spent the last several hours totally unaware of the fact that he’s been wandering around an open-air BDSM market, according to eyewitnesses. Graeme Hart, 36, has...
