A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed.
Sarah Harrow, 37, has been personally responsible for delivering multi-million pound projects throughout her career, is a certified PRINCE2 practitioner, and yet somehow is unable to find her keys, headphones, or work laptop without having to trigger one of the many AirTags and assorted Bluetooth tracking devices she has had to superglue to every object she owns that’s smaller than her car.
“I don’t know what happens,” Harrow commented. “At work I have spreadsheets and Gantt charts so thorough I can see trouble coming a mile off, right down to taking into account football matches, gigs, and social events that might affect my teams, but as soon as I get home I find I’ve got 38 unread WhatsApp messages, six subscriptions I’ve been meaning to cancel, and a hitherto undiscovered new form of life growing in the veg drawer of my fridge. It’s like Severance, but my Outie is a fucking disaster.”
Harrow’s boss, Sabeen Bhatt, 44, effusively praised her employee, adding: “Sarah is so great. Really keeps this whole operation afloat! And she’s funny, too – just last month she handed me a jumper she said she’d finally finished knitting for my son’s first birthday. He turned 10 last month! What a lot of effort to go through for a gag! What is she like!”
On hearing the news about the age of Bhatt’s son and the associated passage of time, Harrow emitted a strangled bark of mortified despair, before returning to her immaculate spreadsheets.
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon.
Our audio sitcom by and for autistic people, It’s a Superpower?? is out weekly wherever you get podcasts! Binge the whole season early and ad-free on Patreon.
We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
