Witch in found footage horror film just autistic woman trying to show you her craft projects
A so-called “witch” thought to be stalking the protagonists of a found-footage horror film is just an autistic woman who wants to show someone her découpage, it has been rumoured. The Blair Witch, 35, has reportedly been making more of an effort to decompress after...
Autistic woman would be on-trend if this were Salem and also 1665
An autistic woman is reportedly very fashionable, at least she would be if this were witch-trial-era Massachusetts, according to sources. Pippa Durham, 39, feels most at home in a long skirt and smart blouse with a big collar, which she thought was a nice moody...
Autistic woman taking up running struggling with the bit where she has to run
An autistic woman trying running for the first time is reportedly stuck on the bit between leaving the house and returning home. Talia Cohen, 40, decided to try to start running because she was too broke for a gym membership, and also because she had...
Autistic millennial can recite every ’90s TV advert but has no idea what their nephew’s name is
An autistic person who once recorded a three-hour VHS tape of television adverts has realised those adverts are taking up valuable brain space which might be put to better use, like memorising the names of their immediate family, sources have claimed. Jay Chester, 38, expressed...
What autistic woman needs is signature look, she thinks
An autistic woman who has known true hardship also thinks that her lack of a signature style might be contributing to her problems, reports have claimed. Sabheen Bhatt, 44, has recently hit a problem-solving event horizon where the only ways to optimise her life any...
Confirmed! Floor better than bed
In the world of “places it is good to lie down”, Floor is indeed better than Bed, new research has confirmed. Dr Mary Walker, 45, Clinical Trial Lead at The Institute for Floor Time Studies, broke the news at a press conference this morning, speaking...
The Odyssey? Accessible travel route takes 20 years longer
An autistic man’s carefully-considered travel route is set to take 20 years longer than the non-accessible alternative, it has been rumoured. Paul Shinter, 46, is heading to his friend’s house across what is ostensibly a well-connected city, but his difficulty with taking the London Underground...
Autistic woman’s fragile state of mind revealed in increasingly dark crochet animals
An autistic woman who stated that she’s “Fine, honestly, fine. Fine! Why does everyone keep asking?!” has been unintentionally revealing her spiralling mood through her art, concerned bystanders have reported. Krista Shure, 23, who thinks she’s taken up a sweet, creative hobby crocheting teeny tiny...
Organised scavenger hunt fails to account for autistic competence
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. What promised to be the world’s most complex scavenger hunt has failed to take into account autistic people’s propensity to actually...
Stopit. Autistic man desperately trying to make “Friends of Thomas” happen
An autistic man who recently received his diagnosis has reportedly been trying to make the term “Friends of Thomas” catch on, despite nobody joining in. According to loved ones, Dexter Livingstone, 40, has spent his entire life trying to make all sorts of things into...