Autistic woman suspects baby didn’t actually write in her birthday card
An autistic woman has begun to question whether her eight-month-old nephew actually wrote a message in her birthday card, it has been reported. The message addressed to Karen Hoyland, 25, reads, “Happy birthday Aunty Karen! Lots of love from Finley”. Despite his father’s insistence, Hoyland...
Autistic woman browsing Netflix only to rewatch lifetime of shame
An autistic woman searching Netflix for something new to watch will likely settle on her usual showreel of mortifying life moments that make her wish she’d never been born, it has been rumoured. Avery Mann, 40, reportedly briefly hovered over Apple Cider Vinegar, before the...
Autistic man on holiday adjusts to everything being different just in time to go home
An autistic man who decided to go abroad for “a bit of a change” has finally adjusted to everything being completely different on day 13 of his two-week trip. Aidan Michaels, 35, who booked a fortnight’s holiday to Portugal – having briefly forgotten about the...
“I’m just going to veg out on my sofa today” says autistic man who just vegges out on sofa every day
An autistic man who announced plans to “have a chilled one on the couch today” neglected to mention that he has a chilled one on the couch every day, it has been rumoured. Dexter Livingstone, 37, claimed that he needed the rest after a long...
Tragic! New Year’s Eve dress that makes you look the hottest hurts the most
An autistic woman has been left “distraught” after discovering that a New Year’s outfit that makes her look as “fit as fuck” absolutely kills, according to sources. Paige Thomas, 26, from Fazakerley, had optimistically ordered the sequinned wrap mini-dress in the Boxing Day sales –...
Cartoon character? Autistic woman just wears the one outfit
Despite owning an entire wardrobe full of clothes, an autistic woman continues to opt for the same outfit daily – for reasons that continue to remain a mystery. Krista Shure, 31, from Cheshire, picks her favourite pair of skinny jeans and white cotton T-shirt every...
Uncanny! Autistic woman dons neurotypical Halloween costume for third decade running
An autistic woman has announced plans to dress up as a neurotypical woman for the 11,162th time in their lifetime this Halloween, it has been reported. Natasha Weaving, 30, from Elton, spends the whole year dressing “somebody much less weird” than she actually is –...
Scary! Neurotypical decorates home with chilling motivational quotes
A neurotypical woman has reportedly terrified guests with her collection of eerie wall quotes. Deborah Whitehead, 57, from Cheshire, has chosen to furnish her home with obnoxiously positive wall prints, even in the bathroom – in case you were ever thinking about going in there...
Woman excited to make soup remembers she fucking hates soup
An autistic woman “looking forward to making soup this autumn” has just recalled how much she actually fucking hates it, sources have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 31, from Sheffield, was initially thrilled at the prospect of chopping almost-expired vegetables and draining thick, murky water from cans...
Sweet! Family doesn’t hate you, just your autism
Your family doesn’t hate you – just the neurological blueprint that forms the basis for your entire personality, it has been confirmed. A spokesperson for your family said: “We accept you just as you are, but we also wish that you were different in every...
