Organised scavenger hunt fails to account for autistic competence
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. What promised to be the world’s most complex scavenger hunt has failed to take into account autistic people’s propensity to actually...
Stopit. Autistic man desperately trying to make “Friends of Thomas” happen
An autistic man who recently received his diagnosis has reportedly been trying to make the term “Friends of Thomas” catch on, despite nobody joining in. According to loved ones, Dexter Livingstone, 40, has spent his entire life trying to make all sorts of things into...
Autistic man on rollercoaster desperately working out right time to scream
An autistic man on a day out at a theme park spent the entire time working out how and when to scream while on a rollercoaster, sources have revealed. Graeme Hart, 38, came to the realisation that something was amiss while on the ride Swarm...
Autistic woman spends all her time, money, and sledgehammers seeking source of high-pitched buzzing
An autistic woman has demolished her home and squandered her livelihood in pursuit of the source of a mysterious high-pitched buzzing noise, it has been revealed. Niamh Callaghan, 43, first noticed the buzzing on Wednesday afternoon at 5.08pm. She immediately set to work unplugging all...
Screaming baby on plane has a point
An autistic man aboard a flight has admitted that the squalling infant a few rows behind him is having a totally valid menty b, according to reports. Onye Egbuchunam, 50, was trying to sleep on the flight from Dublin to New York when baby Des...
Autistic man ironically ill-equipped for changes to his train journey
An autistic man’s train journey has unexpectedly changed, leading to the sort of ironic suffering normally reserved for an episode of The Twilight Zone, sources have revealed. Lucas Fletcher, 40, was supposed to be travelling from Milford Haven to London Paddington, and was anticipating no more...
Autistic woman’s moral compass suspiciously absent during video game
An autistic woman who habitually apologises to furniture when she accidentally bumps into it becomes a sadistic bloodthirsty monster when unleashed onto video games, sources report. Emma Bernard, 25, who still baulks at selecting the mean dialogue options during in-game conversations, absolutely fucking loves slaughtering...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
AuDHD woman obsessively buying wool only vaguely acquainted with knitting
An AuDHD woman with an increasingly large collection of yarn, needles, and stitch markers is only vaguely aware of the concept of “knitting”, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 33, has been gathering a variety of expensive and rare wools and other knitting-related paraphernalia for...
FFS! Unmasking autistic person discovers they were cool all along
An autistic person who spent the last three decades masking in order to appear cool has reportedly unmasked only to discover that their coolest form was the very thing they were masking in the first place. Luca Mignon, 33, who has spent their entire life...