Screaming baby on plane has a point
An autistic man aboard a flight has admitted that the squalling infant a few rows behind him is having a totally valid menty b, according to reports. Onye Egbuchunam, 50, was trying to sleep on the flight from Dublin to New York when baby Des...
Autistic man ironically ill-equipped for changes to his train journey
An autistic man’s train journey has unexpectedly changed, leading to the sort of ironic suffering normally reserved for an episode of The Twilight Zone, sources have revealed. Lucas Fletcher, 40, was supposed to be travelling from Milford Haven to London Paddington, and was anticipating no more...
Autistic woman’s moral compass suspiciously absent during video game
An autistic woman who habitually apologises to furniture when she accidentally bumps into it becomes a sadistic bloodthirsty monster when unleashed onto video games, sources report. Emma Bernard, 25, who still baulks at selecting the mean dialogue options during in-game conversations, absolutely fucking loves slaughtering...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
AuDHD woman obsessively buying wool only vaguely acquainted with knitting
An AuDHD woman with an increasingly large collection of yarn, needles, and stitch markers is only vaguely aware of the concept of “knitting”, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 33, has been gathering a variety of expensive and rare wools and other knitting-related paraphernalia for...
FFS! Unmasking autistic person discovers they were cool all along
An autistic person who spent the last three decades masking in order to appear cool has reportedly unmasked only to discover that their coolest form was the very thing they were masking in the first place. Luca Mignon, 33, who has spent their entire life...
Editors starting to notice the Star Trek references in every single piece submitted by autistic writer
The editors of the successful satirical website The Daily Tism have started to catch on to the Star Trek references scattered like crew members in a transporter throughout one of their writer’s submissions. Sara Gibbs, 38, and Sarah Amero, 28, are reportedly “not that into...
Autistic woman beginning to think of favourite clothing brand as friend
An autistic woman has somehow managed to form a parasocial relationship with her favourite clothes shop, it has been noted. Ellie Mulligan, 39, who spends every penny of her meagre disposable income at online boutique Little Lies, has reportedly anthropomorphised the shop to the point...
Nana! This autistic teen only likes things intended for the elderly
An autistic teenager has been described not just as an “old soul” but a positively geriatric one, reports have confirmed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 16, feels that people who post “granny chic” on social media are a bunch of amateurs who wouldn’t know a Teasmade if it...
Autistic woman faces intense, silent stare down with reflection during haircut
An autistic woman is preparing herself for upwards of an hour and a half of awkward, unbroken eye contact with her own reflection in order to avoid the even more awkward hour and a half of small talk with her hairdresser, sources have revealed. Due...
