Autistic writer upset they can’t submit second draft of conversation
An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...
“Innocent looking” autistic woman hiding thoughts of obscene filth
An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is concealing a rank and sordid mind of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual masturbation and...
Autistic woman boldly embarks on 59th career change
An autistic woman has baffled her friends and relatives by switching career every few days, with each job more strange and confusing than the last, sources have claimed. Pippa Durham, 39, who holds a first-class degree in Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic, had intended to...
Tragic! Autistic woman meets all job requirements except sparkling charisma
An autistic woman who meets every one of a job’s specifications has been left dismayed to discover she also needed a PhD in ungodly amounts of charm, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 31, from Doncaster, has three degrees and almost a decade of relevant...
“Self-employed” autistic woman actually works for cat
An autistic woman who thought becoming self-employed would mean being her own boss has discovered that she actually now works for a small feline tyrant, it has been confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 32, who made the move from from being a full-time corporate copywriter to freelancing...
Autistic woman doesn’t want to take credit for other people’s work and also for her own work
An autistic woman trying to avoid taking credit for her colleagues’ work reportedly also doesn’t want to take credit for her own work, for some reason. Miya Wilkes, 34, insists on being conscientious about giving everyone their dues – except for herself, because everything she...
I hate small talk, says autistic woman who loves chatting shit
An autistic woman who despises ordinary workplace conversations will make a rare exception for the sake of decent gossip, it has been rumoured. Despite loathing typical office chit-chat, Ffiona Maw, 32, will cheerfully listen to you slag off your mutual nemesis as many times as...
Workplace sensory room perfect for wank
An autistic woman has found a sensory room at work ideal for mid-shift masturbation sessions, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bury, has been popping to the designated space for a bit of relief when it “all gets too much”. “This is Emma’s...
Vaccines cause autism? Autistic woman longs to jab neurotypical colleague
Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim, an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during...
Advertorial: Autistic stand-up hoping to be the only neurodivergent comedian to not mention it on stage lasts 12 seconds
A stand-up comedian recently confirmed as autistic has been boasting to friends that he’s not going to even mention it on stage because he’s not like those other neurodivegent stand ups. Sources have claimed that Stuart Laws, 40, walked on stage, took the microphone out...
