Autistic woman’s masking involves unsettling amount of ill-timed nodding
An autistic woman does an accidental impression of the nodding bulldog from the Churchill adverts whenever she tries to engage in normal conversation, reports have claimed. Krista Shure, 33, has insisted that she is simply trying to show that she’s listening, explaining: “I’ve learned from...
Autistic man with talent of Edgar Allan Poe sadly also has finances of Edgar Allan Poe
An autistic man with the same knack for the macabre as celebrated writer Edgar Allan Poe is also sadly as cash-strapped as celebrated writer Edgar Allan Poe. Naveed Azkhat, 39, loves to write dark stories and poems for the nerds and bisexuals who frequent his...
Autistic caretaker having a lovely time at a snowed-in hotel
An autistic man has been enjoying a relaxing five months of peace at a snowed-in hotel over winter with absolutely no urge to murder anyone, sources have reported. Jack Torrance, 43, has reportedly been having a great time at the Overlook Hotel, apparently relishing the...
AuDHD man advised to try Pomodoro Technique falls down seven-hour rabbit hole on history of tomato
An AuDHD man told to try the Pomodoro Technique as a way to overcome distractions and procrastination has reportedly fallen down a multi-hour rabbit hole on the history of the tomato. Anand Trivedi, 33, was originally supposed to be working on some data analysis for...
Autistic woman’s skillset better suited to Bond villain than customer service representative
An autistic woman would be far better at foiling James Bond than working at a call centre, she claims. Miya Wilkes, 27, is adept at using technology and looking unnerving, neither of which she has really been able to leverage while selling wine subscriptions over...
Autistic woman rejects job instability by being certain she will lose her job
An autistic woman has said a resounding “no” to feeling insecure about her job in today’s market by accepting that losing it is inevitable, sources have said. Chi-Young Lee, 26, has reportedly grown tired of the constant precarity of working in the creative industries, where...
New autistic hire about to make company look really fucking virtuous, says boss
The head of a really very ethical and moral company has claimed that their new autistic employee is about to do wonders for their reputation, according to sources. Karen Hoyland, 49, says she is a vocal advocate for diverse hiring practices in the name of...
Autistic man bursting with anxiety over long-term job he is absolutely overqualified for
An autistic man is overwhelmed by anxiety due to the job he has had for years and can do in his sleep, according to eyewitnesses. IT technician Lucas Fletcher, 46, reportedly does not mind talking on the phone all day because he has seen and...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
Editors starting to notice the Star Trek references in every single piece submitted by autistic writer
The editors of the successful satirical website The Daily Tism have started to catch on to the Star Trek references scattered like crew members in a transporter throughout one of their writer’s submissions. Sara Gibbs, 38, and Sarah Amero, 28, are reportedly “not that into...