“Confusing” sitcom premiere dress code sees autistic audience wearing literal red carpets
An audience comprised predominantly of autistic people have been left “unsure of what the fuck to wear” to the virtual world premiere of a new audio sitcom, it has been announced. The invitation to the live launch of The Daily Tism’s new show by and...
Editors starting to notice the Star Trek references in every single piece submitted by autistic writer
The editors of the successful satirical website The Daily Tism have started to catch on to the Star Trek references scattered like crew members in a transporter throughout one of their writer’s submissions. Sara Gibbs, 38, and Sarah Amero, 28, are reportedly “not that into...
Autistic stuntman eats two foods at once
An autistic stuntman has dazzled onlookers with his latest daredevil act: eating two foods at the same time. Robert Noot, 24, a professional stuntman who performs under the name Ootvel Knootvel, displayed this feat to a packed crowd of 1,200 autistic guests and confused neurotypical...
Mortified autistic award winner spends entire speech apologising to her competitors
A skilled writer who accepted a prestigious award last night spent the duration of her acceptance speech alternately saying sorry to the rest of the nominees and outright berating herself, sources report. Paige Thomas, 28, took to the stage to accept her award for Best...
Innovative! Sci-fi series creates yet another species of autistic-coded aliens
Beloved long-running adventure series Celestial Stroll is to introduce its 14th autistic-coded alien species, its creators revealed at a convention this weekend. Head writer Jack Harrington, 52, told excited fans: “We are delighted to introduce new species ‘the Autisticons’! We’re going to follow a young...
AuDHD woman at gig who can’t remember lyrics really is artist’s biggest fan
An AuDHD woman at a gig reportedly singing along to about a third of the songs, if she’s lucky, genuinely does listen to the artist’s music all the time, it has been insisted. Emma Bernard, 24, who can reportedly “sort of dip in and out...
Autism assessments outsourced to Sir Mix-a-Lot
Following recent headlines suggesting that a prominent backside may be a sign of neurodivergence, the world’s leading expert on prominent backsides has agreed to become an autism assessor, according to reports. Sir Mix-a-Lot, 62, one of the only celebrities not to have a Controversies section...
The Woman in Black? Autistic goth unwittingly scares bejeezus out of Daniel Radcliffe
The actor Daniel Radcliffe has reportedly had the ever-living shite scared out of him by a mysterious woman in black who turned out to be an autistic goth minding her own business. Paige Thomas, 28, who was waiting for the 11.15 train to Riddlesdown when...
Autistic Jack Torrance goes crazy due to all play and no work
An autistic writer has become severely mentally unwell, as the peaceful, quiet, work environment he was promised has turned out to be an overstimulating social whirl which has prevented him from getting any work done on his manuscript. Jack Torrance, 30, a former teacher turned...
Audiences baffled as TV detective not even a little bit autistic
Crime drama fans have been left bewildered by Channel 4’s latest offering, which features a sleuth protagonist so neurotypical that he is completely unrecognisable as a detective, critics have claimed. Hart of the Matter stars Noah Michaels as Detective Inspector Graeme Hart. Hart describes himself...
