Cat records chart-topping album of autistic owner’s little songs
A cat has become one of the world’s best-selling musical artists overnight, after secretly recording his owner while she sang about him. Marmaduke, six, is reported to have been the subject of near constant vocal stimming by Ellie Mulligan, 32. In response, Marmaduke concealed a...
Palatable! Autism show’s star-studded cast just about makes up for the autism
A new show about autism has revealed a twinkly all-star cast in the hope that it might make the autism go down a little easier, reports have confirmed. Auguspergers – which is due to be released on streaming services this month – follows the unseen...
Wow! Autistic-coded TV character SO autistic nobody needs to actually say it
A character in a new comedy series is so blatantly autistic it doesn’t need to be so much as mentioned at any point, the show’s neurotypical creator has said. The show, What’s the Deal with Grizelda Grumpf, follows kooky main character Grizelda, whose mysteriously peculiar...
“I have autism” announces Cthulhu
A gigantic entity worshipped by cultists, Cthulhu, has announced that he is evil because he has autism. Cthulhu, described as “a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on...
Autistics to Boris Johnson: don’t even fucking think about it
Autistic people have issued a statement explaining to Boris Johnson that autism does not cause you to become a compulsively lying, law-breaking, nation-wrecking cunt. The statement encourages Johnson – who claimed in a Telegraph interview that he can be “a bit on the spectrum” –...
Gregg Wallace to clarify: “My autism is the sex pest”
Former Masterchef presenter, Gregg Wallace, is reportedly due to clarify that it is not him, but his autism, that is the sex pest, actually. Gregg Wallace – who probably first Googled “autism” some time last week despite having had an autistic son for the past...
Diversity win! Autistic child in school nativity cast as Chris Packham
A primary school teacher has achieved a landmark win for diversity after casting an autistic pupil as Chris Packham in a school nativity. Krista Shure, 63, was outraged at the lack of autistic representation in the original nativity story – and feared that Finley Rice,...
Autistic person up to date with zeitgeist discovers they’ve bloody changed it again
An autistic person who has finally learned the names of all the current A listers, heard all the recent pop hits and binge watched the most popular TV shows has been left devastated after their research was made redundant by the passage of time. Avery...
