Autistic woman’s moral compass suspiciously absent during video game
An autistic woman who habitually apologises to furniture when she accidentally bumps into it becomes a sadistic bloodthirsty monster when unleashed onto video games, sources report. Emma Bernard, 25, who still baulks at selecting the mean dialogue options during in-game conversations, absolutely fucking loves slaughtering…
“It’s reverse ableism” insists reverse not a bellend
Your reasonable-adjustment request is “reverse ableism”, according to a reverse not a cunt. Colleague Graeme Hart, 46, who has reverse excellent opinions about everything from politics to which number the office thermostat should be set to, somehow believes he is a victim of reverse discrimination,...
“Somebody stop me!” Autistic man masks so hard he accidentally becomes green-faced trickster
An autistic man is believed to have become a bit too good at masking, since he turned bright green and started whizzing around like Taz the Tasmanian devil, reports have confirmed. Ben Espenson, 40, was advised by his friends that he should be more outgoing...
Advertorial: Woman’s big Edinburgh Fringe show twist somewhat spoiled by advert in The Daily Tism
A woman promoting her Edinburgh Fringe show is working hard to conceal the big twist, starting with taking out an ad in The Daily Tism. In Giraffe, actor and writer Abigail Weinstock plays Eliana, a young woman who has always felt different for reasons she...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
Crime! Autism Aunt unsure which emergency service to call after autistics make their own sitcom
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our upcoming audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An allistic woman with a tragically autistic nephew has reportedly been left “angry, scared and without assistance from...
Autistic woman forced to endure meal not served in shallow pasta bowl
An autistic woman has experienced the abject horror of having to eat lunch out of a container other than a pleasingly shallow pasta bowl, it has been reported. Abeer Zaki, 40, thought all her friends were on the same page as her, but after a...
Person you undeniably hit it off with at event has no desire to see you ever again
A man you immediately got along famously with at an event is not even going to entertain the possibility of staying in touch, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 33, was seated next to you at a pottery workshop, and it was not long before the...
Autistic man with special interest in Harry Potter gets over it, leaving you with no excuse
An autistic man with a special interest in the Harry Potter series has made the decision to value the lives and dignity of his trans friends more than a book about a wizard who grows up to be a cop, leaving you with no excuse...
Autistic person caught searching “how to talk to manual labourers” while a man services boiler
An autistic man attempting to make small talk with a man servicing his boiler has finally resorted to straight-up Ask Jeeves-ing it, sources have reported. Aidan Michaels, 29, began to realise he was in trouble conversationally after a brief foray into the topic of the...
The Bourne Identity? AuDHD woman in luteal phase has no fucking clue who she is
An AuDHD woman about to start her period has reportedly been compared to Jason Bourne after failing to recall any biographical information about herself. Noriko Hamazaki, 35, has been experiencing a rapid deterioration in cognitive function as her period draws closer, leading her to forget...
“Confusing” sitcom premiere dress code sees autistic audience wearing literal red carpets
An audience comprised predominantly of autistic people have been left “unsure of what the fuck to wear” to the virtual world premiere of a new audio sitcom, it has been announced. The invitation to the live launch of The Daily Tism’s new show by and...
Autistic woman will never be sad again after reading novel about lesbian nuns in space
An autistic woman has been winning at mental health ever since she read a science fiction novella about an order of Roman Catholic nuns being very gay on a spaceship, reports have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 30, read Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather...
