Autistic woman who yearns for the sword scared of her kitchen knives
An autistic woman who longs to be a sword-wielding fantasy heroine is afraid to use the normal knives in her kitchen, it has been rumoured. Olivia Buckingham, 40, reportedly daydreams about being a noble paladin with an enchanted longsword, but said dreams are regularly tested…
Autistic woman tells right joke to the wrong audience
An autistic woman who told an off-colour joke at a family dinner has belatedly realised her relatives were entirely the wrong crowd, it has been reported. Mandeep Kaur, 29, reportedly made a quip about her own singledom, saying: “At this point, I don’t care whether...
Asian AuDHDer doomed to forget masala chai on stove
An AuDHD woman has still not learned her lesson about getting distracted and letting her masala chai explode all over the cooker, according to her ancestors. Sabeen Bhatt, 38, has been making her own chai ever since her grandmother got weirdly gatekeepy about the recipe...
Autistic horse racing commentator fired for infodumping about horses
An autistic man with a special interest in horses has been fired from his dream job as a horse racing commentator due to not being able to shut up about horses, sources have claimed. Jack Harrington, 29, has reportedly been obsessed with horses for his...
AuDHD man sorry he’s only 45 minutes early
An AuDHD man has apologised profusely for arriving at an event a mere three-quarters of an hour early, it has been revealed. Naveed Azkhat, 28, was invited to the informal gathering at the home of friend, Talia Cohen, 27, with a scheduled start time of...
I thought I was neurotypical. It turns out I just really like shopping at Uniqlo.
Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Sarah, and this whole time I thought I was neurotypical, it turns out I just really like that nice linen-blend neutral shit they do at Uniqlo. Every time I used to walk through the doors of the...
Autistic woman’s cute little handbag actually weird little lunchbox
An autistic woman who arrived at a work away day with a “quirky but fashionable handbag” actually attended with a deeply embarrassing lunchbox, according to witnesses. Ellie Mulligan, 34, was assumed by work colleagues to have taken advantage of the relaxed dress code afforded by...
Knew it! Appropriate conversation topics decided by top-secret committee
Headline by Sara Gibbs Everyone but you is invited to regular meetings where it is announced what is and is not socially acceptable to say, our undercover reporters have found. The format of these meetings revolves around the Oxford English Dictionary, which is taken page by...
AuDHD woman reassures bank that nobody is committing fraud, it’s just her again
An AuDHD woman has had to reassure her bank for the millionth time that the suspicious activity on her account is just her behaving normally, sources have claimed. Emma Bernard, 23, reportedly moves large sums of money between her current and savings accounts every time...
Dyspraxic student livens up Sports Day by throwing javelin backwards into crowd
A dyspraxic student has not made herself more popular with her teachers and peers by accidentally hurling a javelin at them, it has been confirmed. Avery Mann, 14, prefers to stick to throwing events on Sports Day since she doesn’t like to be hot and...
“Autistics cannot lie,” lie autistics
The high council of all autistics called a press conference today to announce that autistic people “definitely don’t lie”, eyewitnesses reported. Their proclamation was followed by a short delay while the members of the council laughed behind their hands and nudged each other, which they...
Guess the bruise! Purple polka dotted autistic woman has no idea how that happened
An autistic woman is mystified as to why she’s woken up looking like an overripe banana, it has been claimed. Pippa Durham, 34, regularly discovers injuries that seem to have appeared by stealth when she wasn’t looking, and has yet to find a biologically plausible...
Autistic man’s turtleneck ribbed for his displeasure
An autistic man who put on a ribbed turtleneck this morning is straight up not having a good time, according to him. 31-year-old Cameron Brereton’s latest purchase, a corrugated, stretchy top with a sophisticated high neck, was intended to protect him from the shame of...
