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    News

    Autistic person successfully ignores bladder for another hour of scrolling 

    Sarah Amero, 15 hours ago 1 min read  

    An autistic person has successfully managed to ignore their bladder so they can scroll pointlessly for one more hour, according to sources. Navya Randhawa, 40, desperately needed the bathroom approximately 30 minutes ago. Instead of relieving themselves, they have been continuously refreshing Instagram in the…

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    News

    Interrogation of autistic man “entirely unnecessary” concede captors 

    An autistic man kidnapped by a criminal gang will tell you anything you want to know, and also many things you don’t want to know, without being subjected to torture, his captors have revealed.  Ryan Wilkins, 40, who was captured in the dead of night...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 days ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic woman masks flawlessly as portrait in her attic grows increasingly haggard 

    An autistic woman is reportedly so good at masking she is frequently mistaken for a neurotypical – while the monstrous portrait in her attic withers and decays at an alarming rate. Mary Walker, 33, nods and smiles in all the right places, says yes to...
    Sarah Amero, 3 days ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Amazing! This neurotypical woman can assess your support needs from just your profile picture 

    A non-autistic woman has wowed experts with her uncanny ability to decipher exactly how disabled you are based solely on your online presence. Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile image and a handful of posts in order to declare you “very...
    Sara Gibbs, 4 days ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Workplace diversity initiative promotes just fully kissing autistic people on the mouth 

    A workplace diversity initiative aims to support autistic employees by giving them a massive snog, it has been reported. SMH, who optimise workflow solutions to maximise stakeholder value through data-driven KPIs, announced the new scheme to make autistic colleagues feel appreciated. Once per day, autistic...
    Sarah Amero, 5 days ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Work

    Chosen! Safest-looking colleague at team meeting receives staring of a lifetime  

    The colleague in your team meeting who happens to have the most sympathetic face is about to be stared at so intensely they will likely conclude that you’re in love with them, it has been announced.  Miya Wilkes, 34, whose eyes positively twinkle with empathy...
    Sara Gibbs, 6 days ago 1 min read  
    News

    Bystanders traumatised after autistic woman asked “what’s the worst that can happen?” 

    Bystanders have reportedly been left “traumatised” after overhearing an autistic woman answering the question “what’s the worst that can happen?” The question, which was reportedly intended to be rhetorical, was answered in harrowing detail by Sabeen Bhatt, 46, who began by describing every possible calamity...
    Sara Gibbs, 7 days ago 1 min read  
    Family, News

    Missing! AuDHD family devastated after beloved household money runs away  

    An AuDHD family has reportedly been left bereft after their household money mysteriously ran away, like a wayward pet.  Parents of two, Dexter and Paige Livingstone, both 39, tried to take good care of their money and give it the best possible life in a...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 week ago 1 min read  
    News

    AuDHD woman both literally and figuratively late to the party 

    An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed. Ffiona Maw, 39, became late after giving herself five minutes to do her hair and discovering that five...
    Sarah Amero, 1 week ago 2 min read  
    Celebrities, News

    Autistic woman works out who all the characters are just in time for season finale  

    An autistic woman has finally worked out who all the characters in a new TV show are, just in time for the season to reach its conclusion, sources have claimed.  Miya Wilkes, 30, who spent the first five episodes of a generic courtroom drama trying...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 week ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman trying not to overthink intimacy feels like dead frog lying in road 

    An autistic woman having sex can’t help but feel like a tailless amphibian, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 31, was reportedly trying not to get in her own head during a casual hookup with Ryan Wilkins, 36, but immediately realised her position resembled the...
    Elsa Williams, 2 weeks ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman only as good as her last interaction 

    An autistic woman has reportedly been left “appalled” after realising that her entire worth as a human being relies on whatever her last social interaction happened to be. According to sources, Emma Bernard, 30, from Dingle, was off to a flying start “chatting normally” with...
    Elsa Williams, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Top employers of autistic people revealed as IT, retail and the X-Men 

    A recent survey has found that the top employers of autistic people are the IT and retail industries – closely followed by beloved superhero team the X-Men. Although the tech and retail sectors are known to employ many autistic people, the X-Men have never counted...
    Sarah Amero, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
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