Autistic woman forced to endure meal not served in shallow pasta bowl
An autistic woman has experienced the abject horror of having to eat lunch out of a container other than a pleasingly shallow pasta bowl, it has been reported. Abeer Zaki, 40, thought all her friends were on the same page as her, but after a…
Person you undeniably hit it off with at event has no desire to see you ever again
A man you immediately got along famously with at an event is not even going to entertain the possibility of staying in touch, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 33, was seated next to you at a pottery workshop, and it was not long before the...
Autistic man with special interest in Harry Potter gets over it, leaving you with no excuse
An autistic man with a special interest in the Harry Potter series has made the decision to value the lives and dignity of his trans friends more than a book about a wizard who grows up to be a cop, leaving you with no excuse...
Autistic person caught searching “how to talk to manual labourers” while a man services boiler
An autistic man attempting to make small talk with a man servicing his boiler has finally resorted to straight-up Ask Jeeves-ing it, sources have reported. Aidan Michaels, 29, began to realise he was in trouble conversationally after a brief foray into the topic of the...
The Bourne Identity? AuDHD woman in luteal phase has no fucking clue who she is
An AuDHD woman about to start her period has reportedly been compared to Jason Bourne after failing to recall any biographical information about herself. Noriko Hamazaki, 35, has been experiencing a rapid deterioration in cognitive function as her period draws closer, leading her to forget...
“Confusing” sitcom premiere dress code sees autistic audience wearing literal red carpets
An audience comprised predominantly of autistic people have been left “unsure of what the fuck to wear” to the virtual world premiere of a new audio sitcom, it has been announced. The invitation to the live launch of The Daily Tism’s new show by and...
Autistic woman will never be sad again after reading novel about lesbian nuns in space
An autistic woman has been winning at mental health ever since she read a science fiction novella about an order of Roman Catholic nuns being very gay on a spaceship, reports have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 30, read Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather...
AuDHD woman obsessively buying wool only vaguely acquainted with knitting
An AuDHD woman with an increasingly large collection of yarn, needles, and stitch markers is only vaguely aware of the concept of “knitting”, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 33, has been gathering a variety of expensive and rare wools and other knitting-related paraphernalia for...
FFS! Unmasking autistic person discovers they were cool all along
An autistic person who spent the last three decades masking in order to appear cool has reportedly unmasked only to discover that their coolest form was the very thing they were masking in the first place. Luca Mignon, 33, who has spent their entire life...
Editors starting to notice the Star Trek references in every single piece submitted by autistic writer
The editors of the successful satirical website The Daily Tism have started to catch on to the Star Trek references scattered like crew members in a transporter throughout one of their writer’s submissions. Sara Gibbs, 38, and Sarah Amero, 28, are reportedly “not that into...
AuDHD man disgusted by attempts to converse with him before 5pm
An AuDHD man has been left “appalled” by people trying to speak to him before he becomes fully functional sometime in the early evening, reports have claimed. Naveed Azkhat, 42, suffered the grave offence after emerging into his living room, where his family were lying...
Autistic person’s PhD topic so niche explaining what it is uses up entire thesis word count
An autistic PhD student has come up with a research topic so obscure and complex that it may have transcended human language, sources have claimed. Kit McGodden, 25, wrote an 80,000 word introduction, at which point they realised that they had accidentally written a...
AuDHD woman set to finally win life with next bout of overcompensation
An AuDHD woman is reportedly finally going to solve all her problems with one more “boom” phase of her lifelong boom-and-bust cycle. Navya Randhawa, 38, has had “learn to slow down” on her to do list for the past 15 years, and says she will...
