Preventative! Autistic woman bakes for entire population, just in case someone out there is mad at her
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An autistic woman whose greatest fear is someone being cross with her has reportedly baked enough cakes, pastries and…
Screaming baby on plane has a point
An autistic man aboard a flight has admitted that the squalling infant a few rows behind him is having a totally valid menty b, according to reports. Onye Egbuchunam, 50, was trying to sleep on the flight from Dublin to New York when baby Des...
Autistic man ironically ill-equipped for changes to his train journey
An autistic man’s train journey has unexpectedly changed, leading to the sort of ironic suffering normally reserved for an episode of The Twilight Zone, sources have revealed. Lucas Fletcher, 40, was supposed to be travelling from Milford Haven to London Paddington, and was anticipating no more...
Autistic woman’s moral compass suspiciously absent during video game
An autistic woman who habitually apologises to furniture when she accidentally bumps into it becomes a sadistic bloodthirsty monster when unleashed onto video games, sources report. Emma Bernard, 25, who still baulks at selecting the mean dialogue options during in-game conversations, absolutely fucking loves slaughtering...
“It’s reverse ableism” insists reverse not a bellend
Your reasonable-adjustment request is “reverse ableism”, according to a reverse not a cunt. Colleague Graeme Hart, 46, who has reverse excellent opinions about everything from politics to which number the office thermostat should be set to, somehow believes he is a victim of reverse discrimination,...
“Somebody stop me!” Autistic man masks so hard he accidentally becomes green-faced trickster
An autistic man is believed to have become a bit too good at masking, since he turned bright green and started whizzing around like Taz the Tasmanian devil, reports have confirmed. Ben Espenson, 40, was advised by his friends that he should be more outgoing...
Advertorial: Woman’s big Edinburgh Fringe show twist somewhat spoiled by advert in The Daily Tism
A woman promoting her Edinburgh Fringe show is working hard to conceal the big twist, starting with taking out an ad in The Daily Tism. In Giraffe, actor and writer Abigail Weinstock plays Eliana, a young woman who has always felt different for reasons she...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
Crime! Autism Aunt unsure which emergency service to call after autistics make their own sitcom
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our upcoming audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An allistic woman with a tragically autistic nephew has reportedly been left “angry, scared and without assistance from...
Autistic woman forced to endure meal not served in shallow pasta bowl
An autistic woman has experienced the abject horror of having to eat lunch out of a container other than a pleasingly shallow pasta bowl, it has been reported. Abeer Zaki, 40, thought all her friends were on the same page as her, but after a...
Person you undeniably hit it off with at event has no desire to see you ever again
A man you immediately got along famously with at an event is not even going to entertain the possibility of staying in touch, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 33, was seated next to you at a pottery workshop, and it was not long before the...
Autistic man with special interest in Harry Potter gets over it, leaving you with no excuse
An autistic man with a special interest in the Harry Potter series has made the decision to value the lives and dignity of his trans friends more than a book about a wizard who grows up to be a cop, leaving you with no excuse...
Autistic person caught searching “how to talk to manual labourers” while a man services boiler
An autistic man attempting to make small talk with a man servicing his boiler has finally resorted to straight-up Ask Jeeves-ing it, sources have reported. Aidan Michaels, 29, began to realise he was in trouble conversationally after a brief foray into the topic of the...
