Autistic woman rejects job instability by being certain she will lose her job
An autistic woman has said a resounding “no” to feeling insecure about her job in today’s market by accepting that losing it is inevitable, sources have said. Chi-Young Lee, 26, has reportedly grown tired of the constant precarity of working in the creative industries, where...
Autistic woman doing everything right wrong
An autistic woman has reportedly discovered that she is actually doing everything right in life, but that she’s somehow doing “doing things right” incorrectly. Abeer Zaki, 21, is reportedly a well-rounded, responsible person, and no one at home, university or in her social circle seems...
Autistic woman begs writers of her life to stop making it so narratively interesting
An autistic woman has begged the writers of her unfolding life story to stop resorting to bombshells and unexpected tragedies. Ima Onwugbenu, 40, says that any ordinary person would not be able to cope with the extreme ups and downs her writers’ room have been...
New autistic hire about to make company look really fucking virtuous, says boss
The head of a really very ethical and moral company has claimed that their new autistic employee is about to do wonders for their reputation, according to sources. Karen Hoyland, 49, says she is a vocal advocate for diverse hiring practices in the name of...
AuDHD person finally saves enough Instagram Reels to fix every problem they’ve ever had
An AuDHD person has finally built up a bank of Instagram Reels designed to address every issue they have had, currently have, and will ever have, it has been reported. Des Ackerman, 31, scrolls their feed looking for videos made by the kind of self-actualised...
“Sorry, he’s a bit full on” says neurotypical about person she keeps inviting to things
A neurotypical woman has resolved to keep apologising for the presence of someone who consistently exhausts them instead of just not inviting them to things, eyewitnesses have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 33, cannot stop inviting 35-year-old Graeme Hart to every single social event she hosts, despite...
Autistic Benjamin Button excited to see what comorbidity he’ll lose next
An autistic man who ages in reverse says he cannot wait to see what health issue he’ll get to cast off next. Benjamin Button, who was born at 100 and is currently on his way back to a sprightly 45, looks forward to every passing...
Neighbour with leafblower just doing it for fun now
Your next-door neighbour has reportedly confirmed that they were done with the leafblower ages ago and are now just running it as an exercise in free will. Kit McGodden, 34, who has never given you any other reason to suspect they weren’t a rational human...
Queer autistic woman’s friendship group has interpersonal dynamics of Fleetwood Mac
A queer autistic woman’s friendship group is as fraught with drama as a Rumors-era Fleetwood Mac, eyewitnesses have claimed. Abeer Zaki, 24, reports having formed close friendships with four other twentysomethings at her local board game café. The five reportedly grew close, although multiple love...
Autistic man bursting with anxiety over long-term job he is absolutely overqualified for
An autistic man is overwhelmed by anxiety due to the job he has had for years and can do in his sleep, according to eyewitnesses. IT technician Lucas Fletcher, 46, reportedly does not mind talking on the phone all day because he has seen and...