Autistic person hard on themselves just in case someone else forgets to be
An autistic person is making sure to be relentlessly self-critical just in case the world ever decides to take the pressure off of them, sources have claimed. Kit McGodden, 25, is reportedly not content to allow the world to be ableist on its own, and...
“All-or-nothing” AuDHDer going for “nothing” again
An AuDHD student who describes themselves as an “all-or-nothing” person has chosen “nothing” again, eyewitnesses have claimed. Des Ackerman, 20, reportedly struggles to start assignments unless they know they can finish the whole thing in a day. However, given how difficult it is to apply...
Autistic woman’s customer service complaint riddled with apologies
An autistic woman has reportedly caused confusion after writing a customer service complaint buried in layers upon layers of apology. Niamh Callaghan, 43, says she thought long and hard about emailing a supermarket chain to complain after she found a live frog in a bag...
Multiply neurodivergent woman finally collects enough diagnoses for free dark night of the soul
A multiply neurodivergent woman has finally collected enough stamps on her diagnosis loyalty card for a free existential crisis, according to reports. Ima Onwugbenu, 29, has been diligently collecting diagnoses ever since she was diagnosed with autism. She has since amassed a variety of acronyms...
Autistic man’s nervous system perfect for combat, horrible for filing tax return
An autistic man’s physiological makeup makes him ideal for hand-to-hand combat but not for everyday tasks like telling the government about money he’s already spent, it has been reported. Yuichi Suzuki, 39, experiences a surge of adrenaline whenever he sees the blue GOV.UK banner, which...
Steal her look! Autistic woman throws makeup in general direction of face and prays
An autistic woman’s makeup routine is held together solely by concealer and prayers, according to rumours. Freya Emerson, 25, was reportedly never taught how to do her makeup, nor can she seem to retain anything useful from makeup tutorials other than “start by looking like...
“I don’t stim” says autistic woman who hasn’t unclenched her jaw since 1993
An autistic woman who claims she does not stim has not stopped gnashing her teeth since the first Clinton inauguration, it has been revealed. 42-year-old Olivia Buckingham claims that she has never felt the need to self-regulate, although she reportedly acknowledges that 33 years is...
Animal shelter social media account simultaneously responsible for autistic woman’s happiness and misery
An Instagram account run by an animal rescue centre has been credited with an autistic woman’s sole happiness on this Earth and also blamed for her enduring misery, according to sources. The rescue centre, which takes in cats, dogs and other assorted Little Guys, regularly...
Ally! Friend’s party has specified end time
An autistic man’s friend has recently come out as an ally after specifying an end time for her upcoming birthday party, it has been reported. Talia Cohen, 34, sent out invitations to her house party with a clearly quoted finish of 10pm, so that 40-year-old...
“Reduce your stress levels” revealed to be medical profession’s sick idea of a joke
A whistleblower has reportedly revealed that “reduce your stress levels” is nothing more than a cruel in-joke among doctors. According to the anonymous source, medical professionals enjoy flippantly suggesting to patients that they should just consider being less stressed because they know that literally everyone...
