Autistic woman happy to help with computer if it means being called a wizard
An autistic woman is reportedly delighted to help her family with their tech issues as long as they continue to label her a “wizard” for doing so. Freya Emerson, 25, says she would have minded acting as unpaid tech support for her relatives, but their...
Traitor! Only friend autistic person knows at party needs the toilet
The only friend an autistic person has at a party they are both attending is about to cruelly leave them to fend for themselves, according to eyewitnesses. Kit McGodden, 31, only came to the party on the promise that Brenda Hernández, also 31, wouldn’t let...
Mouth noises to pervade every agonising moment of group mealtime
The group dinner plan you were looking forward to is going to be dominated by mouth sounds of people you thought you could trust, it has been rumoured. You reportedly had no reason to believe this dinner wouldn’t be perfectly pleasant, but because you’re in...
Autistic woman taking up running struggling with the bit where she has to run
An autistic woman trying running for the first time is reportedly stuck on the bit between leaving the house and returning home. Talia Cohen, 40, decided to try to start running because she was too broke for a gym membership, and also because she had...
Autistic woman’s crush behaviour modelled on ’00s R&B music videos
An autistic woman who doesn’t know how to behave around people she is attracted to has resorted to taking cues from lovelorn men in ’00s R&B videos, it has been claimed. Chi-Young Lee, 29, says it is “impossible” to talk to the cute girl from...
Autistic graduate sad he can’t browse PubMed for fun any more
An autistic man who recently left university is reportedly longing for the halcyon days of having unfettered access to academic journals. Onye Egbuchunam, 21, spent much of his sociology degree browsing articles in fields he wasn’t studying, just because he could. According to Egbuchunam, being...
Autistic woman’s skillset better suited to Bond villain than customer service representative
An autistic woman would be far better at foiling James Bond than working at a call centre, she claims. Miya Wilkes, 27, is adept at using technology and looking unnerving, neither of which she has really been able to leverage while selling wine subscriptions over...
Dyspraxic woman still won’t learn the motor skill if you explain it to her a fifth time
A dyspraxic woman has asserted that no amount of patronising verbal explanation will teach her to perform a motor skill she doesn’t have the coordination for, according to eyewitnesses. Becky Armitage, 30, is at a bowling alley with you and your other friends, because every...
What autistic woman needs is signature look, she thinks
An autistic woman who has known true hardship also thinks that her lack of a signature style might be contributing to her problems, reports have claimed. Sabheen Bhatt, 44, has recently hit a problem-solving event horizon where the only ways to optimise her life any...
The Odyssey? Accessible travel route takes 20 years longer
An autistic man’s carefully-considered travel route is set to take 20 years longer than the non-accessible alternative, it has been rumoured. Paul Shinter, 46, is heading to his friend’s house across what is ostensibly a well-connected city, but his difficulty with taking the London Underground...