Autistic woman rejects job instability by being certain she will lose her job
An autistic woman has said a resounding “no” to feeling insecure about her job in today’s market by accepting that losing it is inevitable, sources have said. Chi-Young Lee, 26, has reportedly grown tired of the constant precarity of working in the creative industries, where...
Autistic woman doing everything right wrong
An autistic woman has reportedly discovered that she is actually doing everything right in life, but that she’s somehow doing “doing things right” incorrectly. Abeer Zaki, 21, is reportedly a well-rounded, responsible person, and no one at home, university or in her social circle seems...
Organised scavenger hunt fails to account for autistic competence
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. What promised to be the world’s most complex scavenger hunt has failed to take into account autistic people’s propensity to actually...
Grinning autistic woman repeats pun in case you didn’t hear it the first three times
An autistic woman currently wearing a shit-eating grin like the Cheshire Cat who got the cream will repeat her latest pun as many times as necessary until she gets the response she’s hoping for, sources have reported. Olivia Buckingham, 34, and wife Navya Randhawa, 31,...
Autistic woman begs writers of her life to stop making it so narratively interesting
An autistic woman has begged the writers of her unfolding life story to stop resorting to bombshells and unexpected tragedies. Ima Onwugbenu, 40, says that any ordinary person would not be able to cope with the extreme ups and downs her writers’ room have been...
Stopit. Autistic man desperately trying to make “Friends of Thomas” happen
An autistic man who recently received his diagnosis has reportedly been trying to make the term “Friends of Thomas” catch on, despite nobody joining in. According to loved ones, Dexter Livingstone, 40, has spent his entire life trying to make all sorts of things into...
Autistic “social hangover” like regular hangover but requires even more painkillers and fried food
The common autistic experience of a “people hangover” is similar to an ordinary hangover, but without any alcohol or fun beforehand, a study has confirmed. Autistic researcher Dr. Alix Gardner conducted a series of experiments on themselves by attending social gatherings and rating on a...
New autistic hire about to make company look really fucking virtuous, says boss
The head of a really very ethical and moral company has claimed that their new autistic employee is about to do wonders for their reputation, according to sources. Karen Hoyland, 49, says she is a vocal advocate for diverse hiring practices in the name of...
Urgh! Magic the only way autistic woman will acknowledge her own goddamn feelings
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An autistic woman is reportedly so in denial about having basic human emotions that the only way she will...
Autistic man furious at own lack of immediate perfection
An autistic man who attempted to try something new has become instantly furious at his apparent lack of professional-level skills in the new activity, it has been reported. Lloyd Didcot, 36, decided on a whim to learn coin magic from a book, using the justification...