An autistic woman has undertaken a personal five-day odyssey after being presented with two clear and direct words, sources have revealed.

Simran Khalsa, 26, who takes things very literally but has learned the hard way that neurotypicals speak in tricksy riddles, has trained herself to overanalyse to such an extent that two innocent, plain words from a colleague have been subject to more intense scrutiny than the Rosetta stone.

“What could she MEAN?”, Khalsa was heard muttering to herself at 3am, on her second day without sleep and so jittery from coffee she was in danger of phasing through the sofa. “Why was there so much emphasis on the third syllable?”

Miya Wilkes, 30, the colleague responsible for such nightmarish introspection, commented: “Simran did some great work, so I told her as much when I bumped into her in the canteen. The thing is, instead of saying thanks, she just quietly said ‘oh’ and developed a thousand-yard stare, as well as a small twitch.”

At the time of publication, Khalsa was using miles of red string and a huge cork board to plot out every possible interpretation of “Brilliant work!”


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