An autistic woman is lamenting the fact that she only really gets obsessed with special interests which make her seem desperately uncool or deeply weird, it has been revealed.

Mary Walker, 29, made the realisation midway through a conversation at work, where she had been talking for fifteen unbroken minutes about the history of Punch and Judy shows to a colleague who was visibly considering leaping out of a window to escape.

Walker said: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m interested in things like cooking, and can talk about that a bit, but I only really seem to get excited when talking about the interests I have that make me look like a danger or a pervert. Or, frequently, both.”

“Some people have special interests that make them seem cool and exciting, like my mate Paul who’s into the history of skydiving swordfighters. Not me, though. The last thing I got super into was Victorian books on home-made poisons, and that ended with a visit from the police.”

At the time of writing, Walker found herself increasingly worried that she was developing a hyperfixation on erotic Shoe People fanfiction, two days before meeting her partner’s parents for the first time.

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