An autistic man on a day out at a theme park spent the entire time working out how and when to scream while on a rollercoaster, sources have revealed.

Graeme Hart, 38, came to the realisation that something was amiss while on the ride Swarm at Thorpe Park, where he found himself inverted four times, subjected to 4.5g, and for some reason surrounded by loads of people who suddenly started screaming.

“I didn’t really understand it,” Hart said. “It was like they’d all practiced it beforehand without letting me know. One minute we were all sitting quietly in our harnesses, and the next it was pandemonium! Like, okay, I get it – we’re on a rollercoaster. You don’t need to be so performative about it!”

Hart’s partner, Beth Hapworth, 37, agreed: “We were at the top of the first lift hill and I looked over to see Graeme sitting like he was in a dentist’s waiting room. Then when we got to the drop. I started screaming and whooping along with everyone else, so I didn’t really notice that he was being quiet. It was only when we looked at the ride photo that we saw everyone with their arms in the air, apart from Graeme, who was staring forward with the blank face of a man mentally updating his CV.”

Defending his inability to react to being rotated, inverted, and generally flung about by complicated German machinery like a normal human, Hart added: “Honestly, I really did try. But I couldn’t work out exactly the right time. I didn’t want people to notice I was doing it wrong. And besides, what’s there to scream about? I mean, you’re on a rollercoaster. All that movement is the point. I agreed to this! The ride is just holding up its end of the bargain! Now, if I was having tea with my gran and her sofa suddenly accelerated to 55mph and did a loop-de-loop, then maybe you’d get a scream.”

The couple were last seen walking towards the haunted house, with Hapworth hissing “For God’s sake, this time don’t ask the zombie butler how his day is going.”

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