An autistic woman has issued a public statement putting an end to rumours that she’s a pretty okay guy in the grand scheme of things.
Olivia Buckingham, 24, denied in the strongest possible terms that she was a “good egg”, a claim made by friend Emma Bernard, 23, who clearly didn’t realise what a grubby little shitweasel Buckingham actually is.
Buckingham’s statement read: “I refute the defamatory allegations that I’m a nice person who means well. I’m me – which makes everything I say or do inherently kind of screwy for reasons that I can’t articulate without people gently suggesting extensive therapy.”
“Sure, I haven’t committed any serious crimes or acts of violence – but the other day someone held the door open for me and I fully forgot to say ‘thank you’, to the point they did a passive-aggressive ‘you’re welcome’. So no, Emma, I’m not a ‘good egg’, no matter how many times I’ve helped you move or lent you money or given you a kidney.”
“Do you want the list of all the terrible things I’ve done in my life? Because I have one. Why don’t we start with my birth, when I tore my mum’s vagina to shreds, and just now when I put that mental image in your head?”
Bernard responded: “Once again… therapy.”
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