Autistic toddler hitting all developmental milestones realises she’s inadvertently fucked it
An autistic toddler who has hit all of her developmental milestones on time has realised she may have unintentionally shot herself in the foot. Lottie Fitzgerald, three, displays a number of typical autistic traits – although her attempts at mimicking neurotypical communication have completely fooled...
Woman wishes she was in fact less aware of eating disorder this week
An autistic woman would love to be less aware of her eating disorder during Eating Disorder Awareness Week, it has been reported. According to sources, Natasha Weaving, 33, from County Durham, would quite like to exchange the constant calorie-counting monologue in her brain for a...
Autism assessment questionnaire designed to personally attack you
An autism assessment quiz has reportedly been designed to obliterate your sense of self worth – yes, you, specifically. The questionnaire, which is supposedly meant to indicate whether or not you’re autistic, is actually out to roast every flaw you’ve ever been insecure about. Dr....
“So it’s a mental disorder?” Neurotypical woman making right hash of asking you about autism
A non-autistic woman trying to ask you about “your autism” has already fucked it by calling it “your autism”, sources have stated. Karen Hoyland, 42, doesn’t want to pry into your “condition” but also very much does want to pry – and if she can...
Outlier! Newly diagnosed autistic woman has no plans to write memoir
A woman who very recently discovered she is autistic has today made the shocking announcement that she has no imminent plans to write an autobiography. Siobhan Moorton, a white middle-class woman who was diagnosed as autistic last month at the age of 30, has defied...
Miracle! Autistic woman answers “how are you?” and barely mentions explosive poops
An autistic woman whose colleague politely enquired about her well-being has somehow responded without going into traumatic detail about last night’s poop attack, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 32, was greeted by in the usual manner receptionist by Jack Harrington, 26, when she arrived...
“I have autism” announces Cthulhu
A gigantic entity worshipped by cultists, Cthulhu, has announced that he is evil because he has autism. Cthulhu, described as “a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on...
Attention, gamers! Autism announces PMDD expansion pack
The makers of Autism have announced an add-on that allows players to bring premenstrual dysphoric disorder into their gaming experience, according to reports. Players with the Menstrual Cycle hardware will be able to access the all-new PMDD expansion pack, which boasts a variety of new...
“What are you thinking?” therapist asks AuDHD woman thinking about viral reel
An autistic woman with ADHD who paused for a prolonged period during a therapy session was actually recalling a recent Instagram reel, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 25, has been attending regular weekly appointments with an experienced counsellor – but worries when her mind...
Vaccines cause autism, says worm that ate RFK Jr’s brain
The worm that infiltrated and feasted on RFK Jr’s brain has claimed that vaccines cause children to catch autism. The Great and Powerful Worm, 15, which faked its own death over a decade ago, has since been secretly acquiring territory, and has reportedly now consolidated...
