Miracle! Autistic woman answers “how are you?” and barely mentions explosive poops
An autistic woman whose colleague politely enquired about her well-being has somehow responded without going into traumatic detail about last night’s poop attack, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 32, was greeted by in the usual manner receptionist by Jack Harrington, 26, when she arrived...
“I have autism” announces Cthulhu
A gigantic entity worshipped by cultists, Cthulhu, has announced that he is evil because he has autism. Cthulhu, described as “a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on...
Attention, gamers! Autism announces PMDD expansion pack
The makers of Autism have announced an add-on that allows players to bring premenstrual dysphoric disorder into their gaming experience, according to reports. Players with the Menstrual Cycle hardware will be able to access the all-new PMDD expansion pack, which boasts a variety of new...
“What are you thinking?” therapist asks AuDHD woman thinking about viral reel
An autistic woman with ADHD who paused for a prolonged period during a therapy session was actually recalling a recent Instagram reel, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 25, has been attending regular weekly appointments with an experienced counsellor – but worries when her mind...
Vaccines cause autism, says worm that ate RFK Jr’s brain
The worm that infiltrated and feasted on RFK Jr’s brain has claimed that vaccines cause children to catch autism. The Great and Powerful Worm, 15, which faked its own death over a decade ago, has since been secretly acquiring territory, and has reportedly now consolidated...
Autistic woman wondering if she has ADHD or if she’s just high all the time
An autistic woman is questioning whether she is AuDHD or just enjoys a toke, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 37, who is diagnosed as autistic, frequently misplaces things, forgets what she was saying mid-sentence and has trouble controlling her impulses – but usually experiences...
Autistic women chameleons if chameleons couldn’t blend in for shit, experts admit
Despite autistic women being commonly compared to the colour-changing reptile, most of them can’t actually socially camouflage to save their lives, researchers have admitted. “Autistic women are often likened to chameleons,” autism expert Dr. Karen Hoyland explained: “That is, if a chameleon got into a...
Woman labelled “complex” by mental health services really just basic bitch
An autistic woman who was described as “complex” by her team of mental health professionals has been revealed to be actually pretty basic, reports can confirm. Paige Emerson, 26, from Castlefield, might have “a lot going on psychologically” according to a room of therapists –...
Autistic woman accused of lacking empathy cries when she thinks about dolphin-safe tuna
An autistic woman described by her family and friends as “lacking empathy” becomes excessively emotional at the thought of dolphin-safe tuna, according to reports. Tricia Squire, 29, has been known to stand by awkwardly whenever someone cries in front of her, and she fails to...
AuDHD person’s comedy accent just weird and ambiguous enough to not be racist
An AuDHD person has reassured the public that the comedy accent they compulsively put on is too non-specific to target any one group of people. Jay Chester, 29, who usually adopts the bizarre dialect when they’re trying to ask for something without sounding like an...
