Researchers fear people with autism “may become sentient”
People with autism are showing signs that they may soon develop independent thoughts, and worse, start expressing them, researchers have said. The stark warning comes after test subjects began demonstrating likes, dislikes and even what looked like love. Autism expert, Dr. Karen Hoyland, said: “During...
Autistic woman “pretty confident” she can perform complex brain surgery after 5th binge-watch of Grey’s Anatomy
An autistic woman has been formally asked to leave St. John’s Hospital in Lambeth after “lurking” in the reception for three days straight, following yet another rewatch of medical drama, Grey’s Anatomy. After being forcibly removed from the waiting area, Beth Hapworth, 38 – who...
Autistic Swedish pop fan accidentally signs up for ABA
A lifelong lover of the band ABBA has mistakenly signed up for a course of Applied Behaviour Anaylsis, it has been reported. When autistic woman Paula Mulberry, 32, arrived at We Don’t Care Therapy Centre, she believed she was auditioning for an upcoming tribute band....
Phew! Five illnesses to give your unvaccinated children that are WAY better than autism
As a parent it’s only natural to be concerned about that one discredited academic paper from 1998 linking vaccines to autism. On the whole, most of us would agree we’d rather have a child with a higher risk of death than one that’s kind of...
Autistic kids tricked into going trans, says woman who’s never tried to make an autistic child do anything they don’t want to
Autistic kids are being turned trans against their will, claims a woman who’s never tried to feed an autistic child a vegetable. Prominent anti-trans campaigner Karen Hoyland, 42, said: “I’m very concerned about how many trans-identified children also have autism. Children suffering from autism are...
Autistic woman stabs herself with pitchfork after being recommended Dog in the Night-Time book again
An autistic woman has been critically injured after stabbing herself with a garden fork last week, following yet another recommendation that she “give that mysterious dog book a go,” it has been reported. Kelsey Dacey, 34, from Warrington, was only diagnosed 11 weeks ago –...
Woman accused of making neurotype that explains everything she’s ever done her whole personality
A woman has bored her family and friends to tears after “making autism her entire personality.” Beth Haworth, 29, from Chester, was diagnosed six months ago – and hasn’t stopped obsessively researching her neurotype on the Internet since. “It makes sense of practically all the...
Wholesome! This autistic woman LOVES lining up her dildos
An autistic woman has warmed the hearts of onlookers by still lining up her sex toys at the age of 27, her parents have confirmed. Beth Hapworth’s 14 vibrators live side by side in her bedside table drawer and are regularly re-ordered in pleasing formations...
NHS to outsource autism diagnosis waiting list to school bullies
The NHS is due to tackle autism assessment waiting lists by outsourcing some of the backlog to Becky and Olivia from Year Seven, it has been announced. Consultant psychiatrist, Karen Hoyland, 47, said: “Our team of qualified specialists needs several sessions with patients, as well...
