The common autistic experience of a “people hangover” is similar to an ordinary hangover, but without any alcohol or fun beforehand, a study has confirmed. 

Autistic researcher Dr. Alix Gardner conducted a series of experiments on themselves by attending social gatherings and rating on a sliding scale how shit they felt afterwards. The study had to be abandoned for ethical reasons as Gardner was reported to be actively perishing. 

“I seem to be wearing a motorcycle crash helmet that’s extraordinarily heavy but also completely invisible,” they croaked. “Oh God, is that my voice? I sound like an elderly frog with laryngitis.”

“I’ve run out of mouth words anyway. If anyone wants to talk to me, I’ll use semaphore. I’d better fetch the flags – again.”

Gardner declined the offer to try “hair of the dog” by attending their cousin’s baby shower, and has instead opted to drink several litres of full-fat Coke in darkness and silence.


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