Zombie sighting just autistic woman who checked out of conversation
An apparent zombie sighting has since been revealed to be an autistic woman who had zoned out of a situation she wished she wasn’t physically present in, sources have confirmed. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bolton, was in fact alive and breathing whilst cousin Megan Aldrich,...
Robbed! Autistic man’s niche Halloween costume inexplicably fails to win contest
An autistic man has demanded a recount after his hyper-specific Halloween costume failed to impress judges at a costume contest. Lloyd Didcot, 45, was reportedly “shocked and outraged” when not a single judge correctly identified that he was dressed as Paul Tanner, second trombonist in...
Uncanny! Autistic woman dons neurotypical Halloween costume for third decade running
An autistic woman has announced plans to dress up as a neurotypical woman for the 11,162th time in their lifetime this Halloween, it has been reported. Natasha Weaving, 30, from Elton, spends the whole year dressing “somebody much less weird” than she actually is –...
Boo! Ghost triggers autistic man’s RSD by heckling him
An autistic man has had his rejection-sensitive dysphoria triggered after a ghost booed him, it has been reported. Avid ghost hunter Lucas Fletcher, 32, always hoped to encounter a disembodied spirit – but was left “devastated” when an apparition of a beheaded monk instantly disapproved...
Horror! Pink willy witches coven actually hen night
An autistic woman who swore she spotted a pink willy witches coven actually stumbled across a hen night, it has been confirmed. Emma Bernard, 25, from Liverpool, observed the terrifying scene whilst walking home through the city centre last Saturday evening. Bernard explained: “A loud...
She’s gone method! Woman inspired by Exorcist refuses to leave bed
An autistic woman recently inspired by The Exorcist (1973) is refusing to leave her bed this Halloween, according to reports. Siobhan Moorton, 34, from Newton-le-Willows, issued the statement: “I’m not depressed, I’m possessed.” “Honestly, I’ve been having such a rough mental health time recently,” Moorton’s...
Grisly! AuDHD woman‘s home contains graveyard of special interests
An auDHD woman is basically a serial killer but for special interests, authorities have claimed. Police discovered a vast graveyard of remnants of bygone special interests in the residence of Ffiona Maw, 40, with the accused allegedly having kept trophies from over 200 victims. PC...
Phew! Autistic person who bumped into acquaintance relieved to be sucked down grate by clown
An autistic person about to risk running into somebody they knew in public described themselves as “grateful” to be dragged away by a scary clown, say sources. Kit McGodden, 26, was walking through the ASDA car park when they spotted former schoolteacher Sarah Harrow, 56,...
Autistic woman in slasher movie becomes final girl by never answering phone
An autistic woman in a slasher movie has become the final girl by default thanks to her aversion to picking up phone calls. Lottie Fitzgerald, 21, was reportedly the intended victim of anonymous murderer, Ghostface, but despite numerous attempts, she could not be contacted. Ghostface...
Fright night? Autistic woman frightened every night by The Thoughts
An autistic woman doesn’t have to wait until Halloween to freak herself out due to grappling with existential despair 365 nights a year, it has been reported. Every evening, Niamh Callaghan, 31, from Manchester, journeys through a real-life horror film – happening in her head. ...
