The restless spirit of a deceased AuDHD man cannot pass on to the great beyond because he can’t for the death of him remember what his unfinished business was supposed to be, according to sources.

Robert Noot, dead, reportedly haunts a dilapidated mansion in the Yorkshire countryside, where the new homeowners have reported incidents of doors slamming, inexplicable cold areas, and ghostly wailings of “For God’s SAKE what am I forgetting?”

Resident Dexter Livingstone, 60, said: “I feel sorry for him, I really do. It must be awful being tethered to the mortal realm, filled with a tremendous drive to do something, but never being able to remember what that something actually is. But still. It’s a right pain in the arse. I’ve ended up doing all the bastard’s admin for him, in case any of it was his unfinished business and let me tell you – the man had absolutely no filing system and all his receipts were covered in Digestive crumbs.”

Noot commented: “He found all my spare keys, cancelled all my subscriptions, and sent off the pile of ‘thank you for inviting me to your wedding’ cards I’d never gotten round to posting while I was alive. He even sent some ‘Thank you for coming to my funeral’ cards, just in case that was it. That wasn’t it – but it was nice to get to terrify my loved ones.”

“He couldn’t have been more helpful. If I could move on I would. I swear it’s on the tip of my tongue. I think it begins with a W? Waterslides? Wombles? Wigan?? Do I need to send Dexter to Wigan??”

Livingstone added: “I’m not going to fucking Wigan, I’m calling an exorcist.”

Noot responded: “Typical. People are always saying you can fix ADHD by exorcising.”

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