Uncanny! Autistic woman dons neurotypical Halloween costume for third decade running
An autistic woman has announced plans to dress up as a neurotypical woman for the 11,162th time in their lifetime this Halloween, it has been reported. Natasha Weaving, 30, from Elton, spends the whole year dressing “somebody much less weird” than she actually is –...
Scary! Neurotypical decorates home with chilling motivational quotes
A neurotypical woman has reportedly terrified guests with her collection of eerie wall quotes. Deborah Whitehead, 57, from Cheshire, has chosen to furnish her home with obnoxiously positive wall prints, even in the bathroom – in case you were ever thinking about going in there...
Woman excited to make soup remembers she fucking hates soup
An autistic woman “looking forward to making soup this autumn” has just recalled how much she actually fucking hates it, sources have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 31, from Sheffield, was initially thrilled at the prospect of chopping almost-expired vegetables and draining thick, murky water from cans...
Sweet! Family doesn’t hate you, just your autism
Your family doesn’t hate you – just the neurological blueprint that forms the basis for your entire personality, it has been confirmed. A spokesperson for your family said: “We accept you just as you are, but we also wish that you were different in every...
Autistic woman broken by city break
An autistic woman who holidayed in Paris last week is desperately trying to recuperate, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 31, from Oldham, took seven days off work to go for a holiday – and now immensely regrets the decision. “I wish I’d just stayed...
Mentally healthy woman just really into handwashing
An autistic woman has discovered a harmless new talent for repeatedly washing her hands, according to reports. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Runcorn, scrubs her hands with carbolic soap multiple times an hour – which her family says simply shows a commendable dedication to her craft....
Neurotypicals unaware they can just stay home
Neurotypical people have no idea that they can simply not go outside, it has been reported. Since the start of summer, reports of allistic people leaving their lovely homes with all their things in have shot up by 11,000%. Sociologist, Dr. Olivia Buckingham, explained the...
Man! This autistic woman doesn’t feel like a woman
A song by Canadian pop artist Shania Twain has uprooted an autistic woman’s issues with gender identity, reports have confirmed. The throwback track – which was playing in a bar during a outing with friends she didn’t want to go out with in the first...
Autistic person up to date with zeitgeist discovers they’ve bloody changed it again
An autistic person who has finally learned the names of all the current A listers, heard all the recent pop hits and binge watched the most popular TV shows has been left devastated after their research was made redundant by the passage of time. Avery...
Woman without autism will never lead abnormal life
A woman who suffers from not having autism will tragically lead an entirely ordinary life, sources have confirmed. Becky Armitage, 35, whose hair is an ordinary blonde colour without a single streak of rainbow in there, has been written off by doctors as “profoundly basic”....
