Man! This autistic woman doesn’t feel like a woman
A song by Canadian pop artist Shania Twain has uprooted an autistic woman’s issues with gender identity, reports have confirmed. The throwback track – which was playing in a bar during a outing with friends she didn’t want to go out with in the first...
Autistic person up to date with zeitgeist discovers they’ve bloody changed it again
An autistic person who has finally learned the names of all the current A listers, heard all the recent pop hits and binge watched the most popular TV shows has been left devastated after their research was made redundant by the passage of time. Avery...
Woman without autism will never lead abnormal life
A woman who suffers from not having autism will tragically lead an entirely ordinary life, sources have confirmed. Becky Armitage, 35, whose hair is an ordinary blonde colour without a single streak of rainbow in there, has been written off by doctors as “profoundly basic”....
Bondage! Woman admits main use of sunflower lanyard
An autistic woman has discovered a surprising new use for her sunflower lanyard. “It’s meant to tell others I’ve got a hidden disability,” Sarah Harrow, 31, from Manchester, explained. “But it’s also telling the right people that I’m an absolute animal.” “It really comes in...
I unmasked my autism and found out I was five raccoons in an overcoat
Ever since my autism diagnosis six years ago, I’ve struggled with my identity. After years of masking my autistic traits, I wasn’t even sure who I really was underneath it all. It’s taken many years and a lot of therapy, but I’ve finally stopped camouflaging...
On fleek! Woman who’s a decade behind pop culture bang on autism trend
A woman who is consistently between nine and 13 years behind the zeitgeist has somehow managed to be way ahead of the autism trend, it has been reported. Ellie Mulligan, 30 – who has just discovered “this band called Haim” – has been autistic since...
“Bring back whatshername!” says woman who totally watches Love Island, honest
An autistic woman who totally watches Love Island, honest, has attempted to join in the morning chat in the office, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 29, who works as an in-house accountant for an office supplies company, is said to “absolutely love all the...
Savant! Woman’s autistic superpower is reciting entirety of 1998’s The Parent Trap
A Manchester woman has wowed onlookers by revealing that her autistic superpower is the ability to recite the entirety of Lindsay Lohan’s 1998 film, The Parent Trap, complete with hammy accents and elaborate secret handshake, it has been reported. Krista Shure, 35, was delivering a...
Autistic woman forced to undergo hour of small talk rewarded with haircut
An autistic woman is reportedly “horrified” after being forced to partake in 56 minutes of drawn out chatter in exchange for a simple cut and blow – and then being asked to pay £40 for her ordeal. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Crosby, realised her mistake...
“I think?” Autistic woman prefaces highly specific knowledge to sound less weird
An autistic woman has honed the art of looking normal – despite having a near-encyclopaedic knowledge of all three Bridget Jones films, it has been rumoured. Ellie Mulligan, 34, knows extensive character lore, filming facts and even where they bought Mark Darcy’s folding underpants from. ...
