AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
AuDHD woman obsessively buying wool only vaguely acquainted with knitting
An AuDHD woman with an increasingly large collection of yarn, needles, and stitch markers is only vaguely aware of the concept of “knitting”, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 33, has been gathering a variety of expensive and rare wools and other knitting-related paraphernalia for...
FFS! Unmasking autistic person discovers they were cool all along
An autistic person who spent the last three decades masking in order to appear cool has reportedly unmasked only to discover that their coolest form was the very thing they were masking in the first place. Luca Mignon, 33, who has spent their entire life...
Editors starting to notice the Star Trek references in every single piece submitted by autistic writer
The editors of the successful satirical website The Daily Tism have started to catch on to the Star Trek references scattered like crew members in a transporter throughout one of their writer’s submissions. Sara Gibbs, 38, and Sarah Amero, 28, are reportedly “not that into...
Autistic woman beginning to think of favourite clothing brand as friend
An autistic woman has somehow managed to form a parasocial relationship with her favourite clothes shop, it has been noted. Ellie Mulligan, 39, who spends every penny of her meagre disposable income at online boutique Little Lies, has reportedly anthropomorphised the shop to the point...
Nana! This autistic teen only likes things intended for the elderly
An autistic teenager has been described not just as an “old soul” but a positively geriatric one, reports have confirmed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 16, feels that people who post “granny chic” on social media are a bunch of amateurs who wouldn’t know a Teasmade if it...
Autistic woman faces intense, silent stare down with reflection during haircut
An autistic woman is preparing herself for upwards of an hour and a half of awkward, unbroken eye contact with her own reflection in order to avoid the even more awkward hour and a half of small talk with her hairdresser, sources have revealed. Due...
Autistic wedding vows shortened to brisk nod
An autistic couple who can’t bear the physical agony of expressing genuine emotions in front of others have mutually agreed to shorten their wedding vows to a brief nod. Ellie Mulligan, 30, and Jay Chester, 35, are planning to marry later this year in a...
Autistic woman somehow flunks getting her nails done
An autistic woman has managed to screw up sitting still while someone else does her nails, eyewitnesses have claimed. Simran Khalsa, 32, decided she was worth more than the DIY hack-job she does on her nails and booked into a nail salon for a manicure....
I thought I was neurotypical. It turns out I just really like shopping at Uniqlo.
Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Sarah, and this whole time I thought I was neurotypical, it turns out I just really like that nice linen-blend neutral shit they do at Uniqlo. Every time I used to walk through the doors of the...