An autistic woman who tells everyone who’ll listen about her kink is also too embarrassed to disclose, even to herself, that she secretly very much enjoys fireworks, sources have revealed.
Beth Hapworth, 44, reportedly the single most sexually confident woman anyone has ever met, describes herself as “liberated herself from shame” when it comes to her kink, the details of which are too explicit to print, yet actively pretends she hates fireworks, because “that would make [her] some kind of deviant”.
Hapworth commented: “I’m autistic, so obviously I despise fireworks. Why do I keep running to the window every time I hear one go off? Uh… the window is part of my kink? Do you wanna talk about that instead??”
“Fireworks are noisy, flashy and unexpected. They frighten small defenceless animals. Liking them would make me a monster,” Hapworth continued, her nose pressed to the window “Ooooooh! Aaaaaaaah! Those were sex noises, not fireworks noises. I… I need to be alone.”
Hapworth was unable to offer follow-up comment on fireworks but sent us a lengthy statement about her kink that made our editorial team have to immediately go home and shower.
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