An autistic person who once recorded a three-hour VHS tape of television adverts has realised those adverts are taking up valuable brain space which might be put to better use, like memorising the names of their immediate family, sources have claimed.
Jay Chester, 38, expressed dismay about the fact that the part of their brain which should contain vital information about loved ones is fully occupied by thirty seconds of borderline racist rapping about tropical fruit juice drink Um Bongo.
“When my sister had a baby, all I could think about was Baby All-Gone, the doll that ate cherries,” they said. “The dad in that advert always gave me the heebie jeebies. He should have been at the pub like any self-respecting ‘90s dad. Anyway, I started researching how the cherries disappeared and totally forgot to say congrats.”
“Yesterday, I sat through a webinar about the new self-assessment tax process and the whole time my brain was singing Shakey Jake,” they continued. “He’s a real milkshake, you know. Wibble wobble yum yum. I’ll be vocal stimming that until I die.”
Shakey Jake was approached for comment but was found to have retired to Miami with a fuck tonne of cocaine.
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