An autistic man’s T-shirt is devastated to discover that after five years of exclusivity, its owner has purchased a second one, sources have revealed. 

The black cotton T-shirt had recently celebrated five happy years with autistic man, Dexter Livingstone, 29, but was left “shocked and hurt” when shortly after the anniversary, Livingstone began seeing other T-shirts. 

The T-shirt, five, said: “I’m comfortable, functional and I go with everything. I gave him everything he needed, yet he still went elsewhere.”

“And I’m being forced to live in the same drawer as his other one,” it added. “That’s when it’s not busy being all over him.” 

“Dexter’s taken the other T-shirt – which is navy blue by the way, the showy tart – to the cinema, the comic book shop and the farmers’ market,” it continued. “Dexter never took ME to a farmers’ market.”

It finished: “Navy blue, for fuck’s sake! What’s next? Dark green? I think Dexter’s having a quarter-life crisis.” 

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