A man who thought his quirky girlfriend would magically fix all his debilitating personal issues has been left “hurt and disappointed” after she transpired to be an ordinary autistic woman, it has been rumoured. 

Robert Noot, 29, was first attracted to Kelsey Dacey, 26, due to her artistic vibe, her emotional intensity and her insistence that the TV volume always be on an even number, unless the number is a multiple of five. 

However, cracks began to appear in the relationship when what Noot interpreted as mystical whimsy turned out to be trauma and OCD, and sometimes she’d selfishly discuss her own thoughts and feelings. 

“I’d presumed her avoiding cracks in the pavement, counting her steps everywhere she went and crying at loud noises were just cute quirks,” he elaborated. “But apparently they were part of some deep-seated ‘trauma’, which she’d sometimes mention and that bummed me out.”

“I’d expected her to fix my low self-esteem, my financial problems and that thing on my back I need to get looked at through the sheer power of her Tinkerbell energy,” he added. “But she kept insisting she was also a person, which just wasn’t on.”

Noot was last seen watching 500 Days of Summer and rooting for Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character. 

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