Autism researchers have decided to drop any pretence of adhering to scientific or ethical methodology and are to begin simply peering through autistic people’s windows, it has been revealed.

Project leader Dr. Karen Hoyland PhD said: “There is only so much we’ve been able to learn from soliciting the bodily fluids of autistic adults and rifling through the personal diaries of teenagers who have died by suicide. We are now left with the sole option of showing up outside autistic people’s homes with ladders and watching them sleep.”

“There is simply no other way of finding out what these mysterious creatures are thinking and feeling, or indeed if they even have feelings,” added Dr. Hoyland. “If only they had some way of telling us, but sadly they do not.”

Autistic adult and former subject in one of Dr. Hoyland’s studies said: “Actually…” but was interrupted by Dr. Hoyland, who said: “Shh, we’re trying to study you.”

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