An autistic woman has been formally asked to leave St. John’s Hospital in Lambeth after “lurking” in the reception for three days straight, following yet another rewatch of medical drama, Grey’s Anatomy.

After being forcibly removed from the waiting area, Beth Hapworth, 38 – who was wearing what appeared to be homemade scrubs – insisted that she would “like to be of some use” now that she has studied 420 episodes of actors pretending to perform surgery. 

“I’ve paid a lot of attention,” the server at a local café insisted. “It’s almost always a brain tumour, and you just get in there and prod it with silver things until it goes away. I’m fairly certain I’d be skilled at it.”

“She’s the seventh person this month to demand a position in our OR,” said Dr. Alma Montague, a neurosurgeon with 25 years’ experience. “It’s like actual medical training means nothing to these people. I blame Shonda Rhimes.”

Hapworth, who has been described as “barely adequate” by her manager at A Tall Order, has been asked not to return by the hospital – but remains optimistic. “I’m about to start Suits next,” she declared. “So if anyone needs a barrister, I’ll be ready.”

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