If two autistic people go on a date and no neurotypicals are around to gawk at them like they’re at a petting zoo, did it even happen? 

Set the mood with insipid music meant for toddlers 

Nothing gets two autistic adults in the mood like the background music from In the Night Garden. That’s why Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy were such randy fuckers.

Get your family’s input

On a first date, there’s every chance you might be nervous. What really helps to boost your confidence is getting family members to deliver a running commentary on how inept you are, you funny little weirdo.

Get it narrated by Attenborough 

No autistic date is complete without voiceover narrating your every move, so you should at least have the best.

Plus he’ll make your rampant fucking at the end of the night sound both educational and adorable. 

Above all, don’t forget to have fun, fall over a lot and, most importantly, give the neurotypicals hope that if even you can find love, anyone can!

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