Autistic kids are being turned trans against their will, claims a woman who’s never tried to feed an autistic child a vegetable.

Prominent anti-trans campaigner Karen Hoyland, 42, said: “I’m very concerned about how many trans-identified children also have autism. Children suffering from autism are famous for having no will of their own. That’s why autism parents go on so much about having such an easy time with them.”

Trans autistic child, Finley Rice, seven, said: “I’ve known I was a boy my whole life, just like I know my favourite colour is green, I love pizza and I’m also a rising star in an environmental-activism group. I think I know my own mind better than some bored bigot on the Internet.”

He added: “Also I’m not eating that fucking carrot.”

Hoyland responded: “Have you ever heard anything so muddled? Must be a side effect from the puberty blockers that aren’t actually available to kids that young but that I keep insisting they’re taking despite having been repeatedly corrected.”

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