An autistic history student has been contemplating an era before gluten-free bread and 24-hour pharmacies, and has confirmed they would have been absolutely fucked.

Luca Mignon, 21, has consumed so many antibiotics in their lifetime that they are rumoured to be single-handedly responsible for MRSA. Additionally, they combine sensory and emotional sensitivities with being allergic to most things. And they have half a dozen rare genetic syndromes. And they are constantly injuring themselves by accident. In short, they are not well suited to being alive.

Mignon, who can barely withstand a light breeze, said: “Thank fuck I was born in the 21st century and not at literally any other time. If I’d survived being born, which I wouldn’t, at least a dozen different things would have killed me before my first birthday.”

“Like that scene in The Terminator where Arnold Schwarzenegger keeps getting shot, getting up again, and then getting shot again. That’s if Arnold Schwarzenegger were clinically underweight and allergic to orange squash.”

Mignon added: “When I applied for disability benefits, I wrote so much on the online form that it crashed the website and cost the Department of Work and Pensions thousands of pounds to get it fixed. So, there are some silver linings.”

The Department of Work and Pensions rejected Mignon’s disability claim as they were still somehow not sufficiently disabled.

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