The world’s only autistic couple with a semi-functional household and a relatively clean set of surfaces have attributed their success to a perfectly interlocking spiky skill set, sources have reported. 

Lucas Fletcher and Ben Espenson, both 30, had their meet-cute in the cleaning supplies aisle of Asda. “I felt a spark between us immediately,” Fletcher explained. “I really admired the confident way Ben picked out a box of laundry powder from the dizzying array of options without having a panic attack. Not even a little one!”

The couple subsequently discovered – to their delight – that they have perfectly-aligned, mutually-exclusive abilities to cover all the household tasks, from cooking, washing up to picking up Espenson’s socks from wherever he balled them up and chucked them. 

Fletcher, who owns 27 pairs of scissors because he buys a new pair every time he misplaces them, explained: “Between the two of us, we’ve covered everything! So when we’re preparing food: I plan the meals and buy the groceries, he chops the ingredients and can find where everything is in the spice cupboard without yelling at the cumin.”

Espenson, who once spent 20 minutes trying to get into a can of beans with a perfectly functional tin opener, added: “We’re thinking of starting a dating app! You’d select which household tasks you can and can’t do, and the algorithm matches you to your opposite. I guess I’m ‘remembering to soak the frying pan’-sexual.”

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