A neurotypical woman has resolved to keep apologising for the presence of someone who consistently exhausts them instead of just not inviting them to things, eyewitnesses have claimed.

Miya Wilkes, 33, cannot stop inviting 35-year-old Graeme Hart to every single social event she hosts, despite harbouring a resentment for him that only grows with each repeated exposure. It is unclear why Wilkes does not just leave Hart to find people who would enjoy his company more, but the martyrdom looks set to continue until one of them dies.

Wilkes said: “I’m really sorry about Graeme. He’s… a lot. As in, I think I hate him.”

“What? I can’t just stop inviting him to things! Then I’d have to cope with guilt for choosing not to suffer! It’s so much better morally to give myself as many opportunities as possible to want to punch this man in the face, while leading him to believe that I just can’t get enough of his punchable face.”

“How am I going to cope? Erm, probably just ask him to officiate my upcoming wedding.”

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