The NHS is due to tackle autism assessment waiting lists by outsourcing some of the backlog to Becky and Olivia from Year Seven, it has been announced. 

Consultant psychiatrist, Karen Hoyland, 47, said: “Our team of qualified specialists needs several sessions with patients, as well as statements from family and friends, which is incredibly time-consuming. Becky and Olivia, on the other hand, can spot it in seconds.”

“In addition to autism, Becky and Olivia are adept at diagnosing numerous comorbid conditions, such as ‘glasses’, ‘weird chicken legs’ and their dads being bigger than your dad.”

Becky Armitage, 11, said: “Haha, you’ve got autism.” She added: “Loser.”

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