Autistic man having shutdown in art gallery mistaken for Rodin’s The Thinker
A man having an autistic shutdown in an art gallery has been mistaken for Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker, sources have revealed. Naveed Azkhat, 32, became overwhelmed at the busy, brightly lit gallery and decided to rest on a chair in one of the exhibition rooms...
Attention, gamers! Autism announces PMDD expansion pack
The makers of Autism have announced an add-on that allows players to bring premenstrual dysphoric disorder into their gaming experience, according to reports. Players with the Menstrual Cycle hardware will be able to access the all-new PMDD expansion pack, which boasts a variety of new...
Neurozesty neurodeviant learns to love neurofruity neuroheretical brain
A neurowiggly little neurobabe has finally learned to accept her neuroquirks, neurotraits and general neurowhimsy, according to sources. Avery Mann, 38, fell into a deep despair after being diagnosed as autistic last year. Now that she has gotten the help she needs, cleaned out the...
Not handsome enough to tempt me! Autistic man unsure why crush dislikes him following offhand comment at ball
An autistic man has been left confused after being rejected by a woman he has been nothing but aloof and judgemental towards, sources have reported. Fitzwilliam Darcy, 28, from Pemberley, asked Elizabeth Bennet, 20, to marry him – but received a resounding “no”, much to...
Autistic woman accused of lacking empathy cries when she thinks about dolphin-safe tuna
An autistic woman described by her family and friends as “lacking empathy” becomes excessively emotional at the thought of dolphin-safe tuna, according to reports. Tricia Squire, 29, has been known to stand by awkwardly whenever someone cries in front of her, and she fails to...
You’re not like other girls! Neurotypical man unaware that you’re worse
A neurotypical man has recently voiced his belief that you’re “not like other girls” – seemingly unaware that you’re worse. Lloyd Didcot, 34, expressed the sentiment during the worst Hinge date of your life, in which he forced you to sit at one of the...
New year, new me! Autistic woman decides this is the year she’s going to be a massive liability on purpose
An autistic woman has made just one resolution for 2025 – to be as much of a menace as possible, sources have revealed. Ffiona Maw, 36, considered learning Spanish or joining the gym next year, but decided instead to quit suppressing her authentic self in...
Racist, sexist, homophobic aunt reveals she’s branching out into ableism this Christmas
A racist, sexist and homophobic aunt has announced plans to branch out into ableism in time for Christmas, according to sources. Alma Montague, 46, realised that her bigoted tirades at family gatherings
were excluding her autistic niece, 17 year-old Freya Emerson. In
preparation for Christmas...
Autism assessment waiting list to be split into “naughty” and “nice”
The waiting list for NHS autism assessments is to be split into “naughty” and “nice”’” categories in time for Christmas, it has been reported. With waiting times for an assessment up to three years long in some parts of the country, the list has been...
Diversity win! Autistic child in school nativity cast as Chris Packham
A primary school teacher has achieved a landmark win for diversity after casting an autistic pupil as Chris Packham in a school nativity. Krista Shure, 63, was outraged at the lack of autistic representation in the original nativity story – and feared that Finley Rice,...
