A man you immediately got along famously with at an event is not even going to entertain the possibility of staying in touch, according to eyewitnesses.

Ben Espenson, 33, was seated next to you at a pottery workshop, and it was not long before the two of you began chatting as if you’d known each other for years. However, you failed to meet the secret criteria that allows adults to forge new friendships, so Espenson is planning to walk out of this church hall without so much as a backwards glance.

Espenson said: “You’re the best! Just my type of person. Not my type of friend, but my type of person.”

“We like all the same things, laugh hysterically at each other’s jokes and now we’re following each other on Instagram. Which is actually plenty for me. I do not wish to explore this relationship further and I will not respond if you DM me.”

“We should go for a coffee sometime!” said Espenson, with absolutely no intention of going for a coffee at any time.

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