A woman who is standing precariously close to the queue, yet not quite close enough to definitively be in it, is completely unaware of how nervous she’s making you, sources have claimed.

Alma Montague, 38, is reportedly hovering non-committally in between the coffee shop queue and where everyone is waiting to collect their drinks, leaving you with the difficult decision of whether to ask a stranger something that might be completely obvious to everyone else or take a punt and look like a silly dickhead who doesn’t know how queues work.

You said: “She’s looking up at the menu as though she’s deliberating, but she’s also far enough from the queue that she might not be waiting to order. Maybe she’s about to join the queue, or she’s already ordered and just looking up at the menu out of curiosity. I’m starting to dislike this woman’s cavalier approach to life.”

“Ugh, she’s forced my hand. I’ll get her attention and ask.”

“Oh, no, I’m not in the queue!” said Montague with a start, as if she had suddenly been awoken from a dream. “I just like to stand in ambiguous positions and weird people out for fun.”

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