An AuDHD poltergeist who intended to scare a couple into moving out has instead accidentally tidied their living room to a “Mum’s coming to visit” degree, paranormal researchers have confirmed.

Lottie Fitzgerald, 26, and Alix Gardner, 28, began noticing an increase in unexplained phenomena shortly after moving in, such as items moving around on their own, the temperature suddenly cooling as if a spirit were resetting the thermostat, and the big light repeatedly turning itself off. But the situation soon escalated after the restless spirit went into hyperfocus, resulting in a cleaning job that would make Marie Kondo envious. 

Paranormal investigator, Dr. Graeme Hart, explained: “It’s hard to describe the scene I walked in on. The backs of the chairs had no clothes draped over them whatsoever. The coffee table was spotless – thoroughly polished, with all the magazines and loose pens tidied away. There wasn’t a fuzz-covered collection of empty mugs in sight! Honestly, it’s scarier than if the poltergeist had just trashed the place.”

Speaking through a Ouija board, the spirit of the deceased Robert Noot (36 alive, 15 dead) said: “W E L L,  T H I S  I S  T Y P I C A L.  I  T R I E D  T O  T H R O W  E V E R Y T H I N G  A R O U N D  L I K E  A  N O R M A L  V E N G E F U L  S P I R I T,  B U T  M A N A G E D  T O  C O C K  U P  A N D  M A K E  E V E R Y T H I N G  L O V E L Y.  H O W’ S  T H A T  F O R  U N F I N I S H E D  B U S I N E S S ?”

Fitzgerald commented: “It’s weird because so far, Robert hadn’t been a particularly organised poltergeist. He kept leaving my keys in the freezer. But today I guess he chose order – which is its own kind of chaos, if you think about it.”

“Move out? Why would we move out?? We have free live-in help.”

Noot added: “S H I T.”

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