One autistic individual is reported to be living the dream, having opened a bookshop and then displayed a large sign in the window reading NO CUSTOMERS.

Alix Gardner, 42, has embraced their inner Bernard Black by creating a uniquely hostile retail experience, whereby any potential customers venturing onto the premises are shooed away. Having found that waving their hands was not quite shooey enough to deter people, Gardner chose a particularly flappy tea towel for the purpose.

“The books aren’t actually for sale,” Gardner explained, “because fuck capitalism.”

Gardner denies the claim that they are not running a bookshop so much as simply having some books, on the grounds that there is also a till. When asked if the till had been manufactured by Fisher-Price, they declined to comment.

Frustrated would-be customer Pippa Durham, 55, said, “I’ve heard rumours that the till makes a pleasing ‘whoosh-DING’ noise as it pops out a tray full of coins, but I can’t be sure because I’m not allowed within earshot. All I can see through the window is the owner of this so-called bookshop arranging coins in little piles and then sniffing the books some more.”

At the time of reporting, Gardner is no longer visible, having used the books to build themselves a snug little den.

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