Scientists have announced that a brand-new autism scale will measure if patients are enough like this random woman’s nephew with autism. 

The new criteria will determine if patients sufficiently resemble six-year-old Finley Rice from Kent, who loves monster trucks and fart jokes.

His aunt, Dr. Karen Hoyland, is the psychologist behind the test. She said: “I designed The Little Train Boy Scale after observing just how many people seeking diagnosis were nothing like my nephew, who has autism.”

She continued: “There were all sorts of people claiming to have autism despite having no interest at all in trying to trick me into eating mud by putting it in the freezer and saying it’s chocolate ice cream.”

“Unlike many patients who have been misdiagnosed with autism, Finley will never have a normal life,” she added. “How is he ever supposed to hold down a job? He can’t even say the word ‘yellow’.”

Finley Rice was unavailable for comment as he had been jinxed by a classmate and was waiting for someone to say his name so he could speak again, but at the mention of his aunt rolled his eyes and began to scoop mud into a Ben & Jerry’s tub. 

Like what you’ve read so far? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on InstagramXBluesky  and Facebook and subscribing to our Patreon for exclusive content that’ll have your neurotypical family saying “I’m not sure I’m the target audience”.