An autistic woman is celebrating Autistic Pride Day by telling everyone who’ll listen about this morning’s giant dump, it has been rumoured. 

Paige Thomas, 29, said: “It’s been a bit of a rubbish year and I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to shout about this Autistic Pride Day, but just at the 11th hour, I squeezed something out.”

“Look at that thing,” she said, as she showed reporters her leavings. “It’s the size of Mars.”

“And the shape of it,” she continued. “A perfect swirl. It’s basically the poop emoji.”

“It’s so beautiful, I don’t want to flush it,” she added. “But I live in a house share and I’m on my last warning.”

The Guinness World Records team respectfully declined Thomas’ invite to come and inspect the poo on the grounds that there is “no perfect poo category”.

“Yet…” said Thomas.

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