An autistic woman with zero desire to enter the comedy circuit convinces herself “it’s all good material” every time her life starts falling to pieces, it has been revealed.

Paige Thomas, 31, from Old Trafford, insists on using the helpful phrase when things go wrong – like when she gets repeatedly rejected for interviews at supermarkets.

“I have no plans to pen a memoir or write a set.” said Thomas. “Or do anything remotely creative, actually. But I’m still hopeful the anecdotes will come in useful.”

This hasn’t reassured her family, however. “Useful where?” Her mother Liz, 60, interrupted. “You didn’t leave your room for three days. We had to get the crisis team out. And then you told them to fuck off, so your dad had to borrow the window cleaner’s ladder to bring you your Sertraline.”

“Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it,” Paige responded indignantly. “Just last week Tesco asked me that.”

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