Autistic people everywhere are ready to punish the next person who comments on how great the horrible sunshine is by strangling them with electrical cord, it has been rumoured. 

Autistic people said: “The sun is so bright – I can’t leave the house without feeling like I’ve walked into a paparazzi scrum. And I think one of my tits just melted off.”

“It’s also an alarming indicator of the rapidly increasing temperature of our dying planet,” they continued. “But I’m really happy for your tan, Becky.”

“No, I would not like to come to your sodding barbecue,” they added. “Pack me up a doggy bag and bring it over if you want. I’ll be in my fridge.”

Neurotypicals said: “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” before falling silent forever on account of us having meant what we fucking said.

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