Headline by John Butler
An AuDHD man who has been rummaging through his kitchen cupboards since Christmas Eve is confident his festive lights are in there somewhere and that he’ll find them any minute, eyewitnesses have said.
Cameron Brereton, 35, who reportedly missed Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and the entire Christmas Perineum in between in the search for a box of multicoloured string lights, is said to be “determined and in good spirits.”
Brereton said: “There’s still over a week before the lights officially have to come down. What do you mean ‘five days’??”
“Wait, what day is it? Oh fuck, I have to be back at work tomorrow,” Brereton continued. “I’ve missed everything? Are there at least leftovers? WHAT??? Well now I HAVE to find the lights or it was all for nothing.”
“I’m sorry I can’t talk anymore,” Brereton added. “I need to up my search efforts. We’re running out of time.”
Brereton is projected to find the lights in a box in his home office marked “receipts” at 11.59pm on the fifth of January, before meaning to get round to taking them down until the 15th of July.
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