The gift of a teddy bear holding a massive fuck-off plush heart on Valentine’s Day could honestly be interpreted in a number of ways, according to you.
Although you reportedly understand that the bear, a golden-furred little fellow with a squidgy velvet heart stitched to his paws, could be interpreted as a romantic advance on the part of the giver, you don’t think you have sufficient data to draw any conclusions until someone is proposing marriage to you, which you will probably still evaluate as being totally ambiguous.
You said: “For all I know, the bear is a victim of a martial-arts action hero who’s pulled his heart out of his body in a single strike. Or maybe it’s a charity thing, and Paul is trying to tell me to sign onto the organ donor register. Both equally as likely, and both as likely as Paul having a crush on me.”
Paul Shinter, 34, said: “We’ve been dating for a few months now, so I just wanted to give you a little gift. The bear’s a bit naff, I know, but I wanted something that leaves you in no doubt as to how I feel about you.”
You said: “I guess we’ll never know.”
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