Your family is reportedly prepared to forgive you after you had a meltdown that greatly inconvenienced them.
An official statement from your father on the family group chat ended with “Have you calmed down yet?”, which signifies that he is ready to hear you beg for his forgiveness for daring to melt down at last weekend’s barbecue.
Although you have tried to explain that the heady combination of radiating heat, screaming baby cousins and an unexpected onion interloper in your precious plain hot dog drove you past your breaking point, your brother weighed in with his own theories: “You always do this any time we’re having an actual good day. Just don’t do it again, okay?”
Your mother decided to extend the olive branch in person by hand-delivering you a copy of ‘Why Men Love Bitches’. She said: “Toughen up, love. When I was your age, I didn’t cry at anything. I haven’t experienced an emotion since we lost Lady Di.”
“I’m eagerly awaiting thanks for this latest dispensation of motherly wisdom, closely followed by the start of a close mother-daughter relationship I have done insultingly little to earn.”
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