A dyspraxic student has not made herself more popular with her teachers and peers by accidentally hurling a javelin at them, it has been confirmed.

Avery Mann, 14, prefers to stick to throwing events on Sports Day since she doesn’t like to be hot and sweaty while she’s humiliating herself in public.

“Last year, I dropped the shot put on my own big toe,” she explained, “so I decided that the javelin would be safer. What could go wrong?”

“Quite a lot went wrong, actually. I’m not sure how the javelin managed to fly backwards. The crowd behind me parted like the Red Sea, and I heard the PE teacher scream, ‘Fucking hell!’ That was a bit of a highlight, if I’m honest.”

Mann’s school has since announced that next year’s Sports Day will include a new event: Sitting Quietly While Enshrouded in Bubble Wrap.

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