Autistic people everywhere are celebrating the news that supermarkets will be holding one annual quiet shopping hour just for them – just a short rocket trip from Earth. 

The hour, agreed upon by all leading supermarkets, will conveniently be held between one and two in the morning, a time where autistic people are most likely to be able to get out and about.

Spokesperson for all supermarkets, Graeme Hart, said: “Our market research shows that people with autism are mostly nocturnal, like owls. And that they enjoy flying incredibly long distances, like owls. And that they subsist mostly on mice, like owls.”

When asked if the market research had accidentally been conducted on owls, Hart shuffled his papers and went a funny aubergine colour. 

He added: “The point is, we’ve designed this experience for maximum convenience. All autistic people have to do is train as astronauts for a couple of years, fly 299.33 million kilometres and mind the lava.”

Autistic customer, Dexter Livingstone, 34, commented from Mars: “To be fair, it is pretty quiet. Any chance of a lift home?”

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